I was out walking today as I do quite often and I passed a church and got to thinking about faith and religion and that blind faith that people have in a greater good/higher power insert Deity of choice here .................. and I realised I'm actually jealous of those that truly believe, that truly have faith.
I was raised by an atheist and a Cristian although she only went to church mainly at Easter, Christmas, weddings, funerals, christenings and the occasional Sunday. I was christened and I had the most amazing Godparents who were there for me their entire lives and whom I miss dearly. I was sent to a church school but one of neither denomination of my parents (are there even atheist schools? what do they look like? or are they just the state school system in this country? anyway I digress) I was sent to a catholic school that made us say a prayer at every given opportunity yet I never actually had that blind devoted faith, don't get me wrong I wanted it I tried so hard, I said my prayers, I really enjoyed religious education but I just couldn't say that I was a true believer.
How do you believe in something that you can't see, hear or touch?
The scientist is me I guess, always need that unequivocal proof.
But and here's the thing I love, I know its love I have blind faith in how much I love my children yet I can't see it, hear it or touch it, I just know it, so what is the difference?
Ah, but you can see them, hear them and touch them you'll probably say, its different, but is it?
Because the love, the love is something you just know and feel there is no physical thing no quantifiable measure you just feel it.
So here I am again trying to figure out why I can't find faith and trust me I am open to all religions! I just haven't had that I believe moment and what got me to thinking about this even more is that I have been going through some really tough times and I know so many that find comfort in their faith and in their church and to be honest I want that.
I thought about going to various Churches finding out more, a try before you buy if you will but I don't know, is that the way forward?
The thing is in times of need and crisis I find myself praying but is that faith or desperation?
So many questions but are there any answers?
I'd love your opinions on this