Sunday, 8 September 2013

Time and Tide wait for no man or woman for that matter

Ok, its official, well maybe not official, you know there was no big announcement and I didn't sign any legal documents but I'm getting old! yes that's right you heard it here first I the last one to be kicked out of the pub/club/party still dancing is getting old!

I made this shocking realisation last night. My best friend and I had arranged to go out for a bit of a catch up, we both have busy lives and don't get to see each other half as much as we should.

So the first sign of my impending old age actually went unnoticed by me at first but here it is...... Dare I say it? ......I swapped my beautiful wedges that I had put out to wear for a nice comfortable pair of flat pumps! I know, what is wrong with me!

So that going unnoticed we headed off, the fact that it was still daylight upon leaving should have been my second clue but it gets worse than that!

We ended up in fabulous little Turkish Restaurant where the food is great, the service is great, you know the kind that ticks all the boxes and we chatted and enjoyed our meal and only ordered one bottle of wine between us (another sign here me thinks!) and then we left and we didn't know what to do and my friend, my dear sweet usually exactly the same as me friend said " shall we just go back to yours and have a cup of tea" and I said YES!

but that's not all, do you want to know the worst of it? I can't believe I'm going to admit this but I looked at my watch and it was only 8.30! Seriously hanging me head in shame here, there was a time when she and I would only just be thinking about getting ready to go out at that time and more likely coming home at 8.30 am! oh how times have changed.

I did scare myself the other day when I saw a top in shop for ladies of a certain age and thought, that's quite nice, if only I'd seen the signs then.

So how does one mourn ones youth? Should I burn all those clothes that my daughters still want to borrow and buy some nice sensible skirts and sweaters? I just don't know what the correct etiquette is here? or to I just accept that all of us have to grow up at some time and just fancy that nice cup of tea?

But seriously dude heading home at 8.30!

Oh god just realised probably should stop saying dude and I'm guessing that twerking is really out of the question too!

Sunday, 1 September 2013


So would you pay for someone to deposit slimy mucus all over your face?

Get your mind out of the gutter, I'm not talking about some weird fetish....although that could be a whole other post!

What I'm talking about is the latest anti-ageing 'beauty' treatment brought to us by those kind people of Japan ( have we not learnt anything from Japanese game shows about their idea of fun!) that involves letting live snails slither their way across your face, apparently their mucus has powerful anti-ageing properties thanks to highly beneficial proteins contained in snail mucus.

But before you all run out to your back gardens and grab the nearest snail, these are no ordinary snails that are used in these delightful sounding facials no these are organically fed snails that once used on a client are are allowed to rest for 4 days, you know to recuperate from the shock of slithering over a humans face!

I think I'd need four days to recover from a snail slithering its way around my face eurgh I'm just shuddering at the thought.

Seriously will we do anything in the name of not growing old and so called beauty? and what's stopping anyone getting snails from their garden and starting up in business... I have tons of them in my garden, anyone fancy a facial?

Or how about a bird poo facial (again from Japan, just saying) or a bull semen facial and hair mask... how and why was this discovered to be beneficial and how do they get the semen ( insert confused and disgusted face here!)

Seriously what would you do in the name of beauty?