Forty! The Big 4 0!

I woke up this morning in a cold sweat , no, not the menopause, though...... who knows, it could be after all in a month I'm going to be 40!

I know I've been going on about it a lot but seriously it's bugging me in a big big oh my god how did I get this old kind of a way!

You see 40 is that age where you're supposed to have your shit together you're supposed to be well on your career path, your life should really be the life you want but hell I don't even know what I want to be when I grow up!

I've done the conventional stuff I've got married 'er hmm twice!' I've had my children, I've been a responsible adult , school governor, grown up person type etc on the outside but on the inside I'm still trying to decide if I want to be a ballerina or an astronaut!

Does anyone else no what I mean? please tell me someone else does otherwise it may just confirm that I am actually insane!

The thing is by now I was supposed to be a best selling author ok I know actually writing a book might help toward this goal but still

I know they say its never too late but where do you start if you're not completely content with your lot?

Or is this just a midlife crisis talking?

Don't get me wrong I rather like my life , I love my kids but I can't help wondering "is there more?" well "IS THERE?" Seriously I'm asking?

Then there's the question of how to celebrate this birthday, I told everyone I didn't want a big fuss but of course I actually meant can you make a great big giant fuss I'm 40 after all!

So now I'm torn and not quite sure how to mark the occasion so suggestions on a post card please

Or you could just leave me a comment

How did you? or How will you celebrate your big 4 0


Apparently digging a hole, lying in it ,holding flowers saying "that's it now" isn't an option!

so I need your suggestions!