It's that time again

It's that time of year again when my birthday is getting closer and I start to get that ' woe is me, what have done with my life, what am I doing with my life and oh god look at my saggy boobs!' moments!

I do feel like I should me more together, more sure of what I want and where I'm going, I'm a mother for Christ's sake but in honesty I still have the same teenage insecurities hidden well under an air of mature confidence, of course any of my friends reading this are probably wetting themselves laughing at the idea of 'mature me' but I said it and I'm sticking to it so there! And yes I am poking my tongue out!

I wake up some mornings and think, oh god you're 41 this year, you're edging your way closer to 50! You're getting old, what's next the menopause, becoming a grandparent, where will it end? Well with death obviously it's inevitable but then I just hyperventilate!

My body is is fighting against my mind where I'm still young and can still wear anything that takes my fancy , the reality is my bingo wings are so bad that if I commit the sin of wearing a sleeveless top, one strong gust of wind and I'll be gliding through the air without the need for a hand-glider, maybe people will think I'm some kind of super hero! My boobs are so saggy I may need some kind of mechanical hoist to get them back up where they belong! I contemplate an uplift but surgery scares me so what is a girl or middle aged lady to do?

But that's the thing isn't it you can choose to grow old gracefully accept the card that life has dealt you or you can fight the ravages of time and end up looking like this....

I know which I'll choose!


How about you, are you growing old gracefully or are you going to fight it every step of the way?

What about in your head, are you really as old as you feel?

Forty! The Big 4 0!

I woke up this morning in a cold sweat , no, not the menopause, though...... who knows, it could be after all in a month I'm going to be 40!

I know I've been going on about it a lot but seriously it's bugging me in a big big oh my god how did I get this old kind of a way!

You see 40 is that age where you're supposed to have your shit together you're supposed to be well on your career path, your life should really be the life you want but hell I don't even know what I want to be when I grow up!

I've done the conventional stuff I've got married 'er hmm twice!' I've had my children, I've been a responsible adult , school governor, grown up person type etc on the outside but on the inside I'm still trying to decide if I want to be a ballerina or an astronaut!

Does anyone else no what I mean? please tell me someone else does otherwise it may just confirm that I am actually insane!

The thing is by now I was supposed to be a best selling author ok I know actually writing a book might help toward this goal but still

I know they say its never too late but where do you start if you're not completely content with your lot?

Or is this just a midlife crisis talking?

Don't get me wrong I rather like my life , I love my kids but I can't help wondering "is there more?" well "IS THERE?" Seriously I'm asking?

Then there's the question of how to celebrate this birthday, I told everyone I didn't want a big fuss but of course I actually meant can you make a great big giant fuss I'm 40 after all!

So now I'm torn and not quite sure how to mark the occasion so suggestions on a post card please

Or you could just leave me a comment

How did you? or How will you celebrate your big 4 0


Apparently digging a hole, lying in it ,holding flowers saying "that's it now" isn't an option!

so I need your suggestions!

How old is too old?

I brave this question because tonight I'm going to a gig with one of my daughters not as an adult accompanying a minor kind of way, although that's what everyone things! No! I not so secretly love Wretch 32, the daughter who I'm going with didn't even know who he was but wanted to see the other 2 artists on the bill!

But it made me think technically this is young music for young people, right? But I think music is subjective, it's about what you like, what moves your soul, what makes you want to get up and dance or sing along.

I love music! My taste is eclectic, there is no particular type I know what I like and I like it! That simple!

I have favourites of course but they don't fit one particular style of music , I love Jason Mraz (ok, I admit he is my absolute favourite) , Billie Holiday, The Foo Fighters, Green Day, Jill Scott, Erykah Badu, Debussey and they are top of my playlist but I love so much more ,I love Drum and Bass, I love Garage  and I've seen Usher, Adele and Glee live this year, see Eclectic! Or insane!

But back to my dilemma how old is too old to go to the gigs? And what does one wear? Do I try to fit in and potentially end up looking like mutton dressed up as lamb? Or just wear whatever takes my mood? Oh the dilemma!

So what are your favourites? Do you think music is age specific? And more importantly how old is too old?

Age is just a number!

Hah! and once again Hah!


You're as old as you feel, Age is just a number but its very dependant on what that number is!

For example when you're small you celebrate every little increment in age you ask a small child how old they are and they will happily tell you how old they are down to the last minute, anything to get closer to that next birthday ask a 49 year old and they will tell you just 49 right up until the day before they turn 50! Me if you ask me how old I am I will tell you the truth but quite often I will be 21 with 18 years experience!

We celebrate our age milestones, becoming a teenager, sweet 16's, turning 18 then 21 then we start working up in decades and they can become anxious and far less enjoyable and far more difficult to deal with!

I'm 40 this year and I don't quite know how I feel about it, inside I still have the same feelings and insecurities I had as a 16 year old though outwardly to the world is a very different story!

Now the thing about turning 40 (brings a lump to my throat every time I say it accompanied by a panic of how did I get this old without noticing) for me is combination of wanting to celebrate , wanting to be made to feel special and enjoy this milestone mixed with oh god where did the time go , 40 is soooo old! How could I have got to this age without accomplishing anything but motherhood! Oh woe is me my life is over it's all down hill from here!

So today I'm asking you all how you feel about ageing? What do you think are the big milestones? What's the best age? And the biggest and most important question of them all, Does life begin at 40?

So please everyone let me know

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician

Age is an issue of mind over matter.  If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.  ~Mark Twain

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.  ~Chili Davis

Youth is a wonderful thing.  What a crime to waste it on children.  ~George Bernard Shaw


Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.  ~Caryn Leschen

There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.  ~Author Unknown


 I have had a rough few days when it comes to sleep, my 2 year old seems to have decided that sleep is indeed for the weak and her sleep pattern is all over the place the end result being a totally knackered me!


And when I get tired not only does it show in my movements and sluggish reaction times it shows in my face! Seriously I looked in the mirror this morning and thought 'why has my mum dyed her hair bright red, she's far too old for that' then after splashing my face with water and waking up a little more that was replaced with 'Shit, that's me!' Shortly followed by 'Oh My God, how can I possibly show my face in public looking like that? Bring on the blue rinse I'll pretend to be my mum until I've had the plastic surgery!'


"Quick someone get mummy the number for a good Botox place" is what I actually shouted but as is usual in my house anything I say falls on deaf ears!

So I stood there staring at this alien face in the mirror, looking at my dull skin and tired eyes and I wondered where have I gone? inside I feel the same, that's a good thing right? but on the outside some bugger has replaced my face and body with a saggy , melting down from the top, mess! seriously if gravity carries on like this there will be a pile of folded skin collecting round my ankles as I waddle down the street ( walking inhibited my saggy skin you see!)

And if all that wasn't bad enough I'm 40 this year! no longer in my 30's , 40!  deep breath Emma, in, out, in, out!

Ok, panic attack over , Isn't life supposed to begin at forty that's what they say isn't it? Someone please tell me it does and where I get started?


I know right now I'm over reacting a bit, ok, alot! but aging is hard I'm not really about to go for botox or plastic surgery, although if anyone's offering to pay I wouldn't say No, all in the name of a review of course!


On a good day when I've had sleep and I'm wearing make up I still look reasonably good , some would say Hot! ok by some I mean me but there's nothing wrong with a little self praise is there! but on a bad day like today I wouldn't even want to hazard a guess at how old I look and if you see me on one of these days neither should you!


But seriously they say you're as old as you feel, so why can't you look as old as you feel! wouldn't that be cool (accept for days like today) if all chameleon like, your face and body took on how you were feeling, you'd sure as hell make sure that you embraced life and had a positive outlook, wouldn't you?

But in reality we have to accept what we've got or artificially enhance or change it so how are you going to deal with aging? go under the surgeons knife or grow old disgracefully like me?

Just a little break from the norm

Monday is usually the day I give you an update of my 3F's challenge and quite frankly at this the end of week 8 all I can think of are another 3F's that I can't repeat in polite company or yours for that matter!

In case you were curious this weeks weight loss in a big fat ZERO! Now I have questioned myself greatly about all of this, by this point I had hoped to have lost at least 16lb and be waxing lyrical about how fabulous I felt but instead I infact weigh slightly more than my start weight but hey if you're going to fail do it big, right! so in all my questioning and thinking I have come up with either I wasn't in the right place emotionally to do this( I'm a serious emotional eater, pick an emotion any emotion and I will eat my way throughout it!) or quite simply I love cooking and eating!

The thing is I started this challenge not only to get myself out of a post baby fashion rut that has lasted 2 years you know the one comfort over style but I had also forgotten how to apply make-up and use a hairbrush let's be honest half the time I don't even know where the hairbrush is! Paint a pretty picture don't I? But to do something about my future health before I turn 40 in August, there are many health implications connected with being over-weight and with a little one to take care of I wanted to be in the best condition I can be and of course the idea of turning 40 sends me into a state of panic and hysteria , I'm not coping very well with the idea of turning 40, you'd never guess would you?

So seeing how absolutely fabulous Jennifer Hudson looks I have decided to join weight watchers! The first meeting is Thursday so from now on my 3 F challenge update will be on Thursday evenings.


Wish me luck and if anyone out there has tried or is doing the weight watchers pro points then get in touch! I love to hear your experiences and maybe we can support each other!

up and down like a Yo-Yo!

Its end of week 7 on my 3 F's challenge and after last weeks tremendous result I had High hopes for this week , pah (thats a sound of disgust by the way just in case you didn't know) well this week in true monumental style as only I can do, I have put it all back on! I mean who does that, me thats who, I really am good at this aren't I , hope you note the sarcasm!

It's all really making me question myself and my motivation, I had it in my head that I wanted to be this fit,(in both sense of the word) and fabulous creature by time I reached my 40th birthday in August and by the look of it thats not going to happen well at least when it comes to the weight issue.


So I guess I have to ask myself is the weight loss about my health or is some kind of weird midlife crisis to do with turning 40, I must admit it does course a mild outbreak of panic and palpitations at the the prospect of turning 40 , oh god I'm going to be 40, how did that happen? where did the time go? where's the paper bag so I can breathe slowly into it!

I think that hence forth I should concentrate on dealing with my issues (how american of me) and being happy and healthy and maybe just maybe when I'm not quite so obsessed with my weight it might just naturally drop at least a bit!