Dear Blog

Dear Blog,

I know I've been bad and I've neglected you of late but I do love you honestly I do and thanks to the rather gorgeously haired Rose McClelland ( a recent follower) I was reminded quite how much, I know it shouldn't have taken a stranger to remind of my love for you but....well, that's just how it is sometimes.

So, dear blog if you'll have me back , I'm here and I will try harder to visit you and update you regularly!

All my love

Emma ( the mad rambler)

So I know I've been slacking lately when it comes to my dear old blog and I love blogging really I do but I have one those lives where it's hard to fit it all in! Or rather it's hard for me! My time management sucks I come up with loads of ideas when I'm in the bath or lay in bed last thing at night and they never quite make it here to the blog.

Then there are those things that I think does anyone out there really want to read? And then of course there's those things that I think about writing then think "my kids sometimes read my blog, would I want them to read that?" and the answer is usually Hell NO! So you see my dilemma!

So what's a girl to do?

So for now I'm going to go off and have a think about it and decide whether it's quality over quantity or whether I'll be back with some mindless mutterings! "are they ever anything else" I hear you cry!

Well you'll just have to wait and see!

Pouring my heart out

I Hate my life!

Ok that is a big massive sweeping statement but right here right now I hate my life! And I'm more than a little bit angry with myself for feeling this way when there are people all over the world in far worse situations than myself.

But it's one of those days where everything seems wrong with the world, where it's a cold dark place that right now I would rather like to run away from.

So this is a bit of self therapy, get the thoughts out there so to speak.

The thing is not one thing has made me feel this Way it's a multitude of things that have just got me to the point where I want to scream!

I feel utterly freaking miserable!

Might get a title if I get round to it!

If procrastination were a sporting event I would be in the olympics this year defending my gold! That's if I got round to taking part in a qualifying event! You see! Queen of procrastination!

Or maybe it's not just procrastination (cue copious amounts of excuse making) maybe it's prioritising, you see I mean to get round to so much, I make plans, I make lists and things never quite work out the way I want them to, something else gets in the way! Or does it? Do I just make excuses to excuse the fact that I don't get everything done when I want to? Erm, makes you think doesn't it, or should I say makes me think! I'm sure you're just thinking "when will she stop procrastinating and get to the point?" we'll this is the point I procrastinate! And I thought I'd have a little ramble on, try and make sense of it as it were.

Take this blog for example I set out to write something every day then I either second guess myself and thing no one would be interested in reading that or I never quite get round to it! Are you noticing a theme here?

My assignments for college, last minute, it's like I live for the adrenalin of that last minute rush! Err, Not! The reality is I've procrastinated, done other things,left it until the last minute and then have to rush like a mad thing to get it completed!

I need help! Is there a procrastinators anonymous or has no one got round to setting one up yet?

Do you think there is hope for me? People, tell me how do you manage to get everything done? Is it really about setting priorities and letting some things go?

Mind the gap!

So while dancing around my kitchen with my daughters singing at the top of our lungs it dawned on me that apart from the fact that we probably looked and sounded insane that age isn't what it used to be, ok that sounds weird but I'm not quite sure how else to explain it, what I mean is that the age barriers aren't quite as far apart as they used to be and no I'm not talking about young mums, I'm talking about our mental and physical attributes!

I'm 40 but I love many of the same things as my teenage daughters, I'm talking music, tv programmes, books and to some extent clothes but when I was a teenager I remember those lines like "what are you listening to? That's not music!" "what are you wearing?" and a million and one others of a similar vain and I too looked at my mother and thought there must be some special shop that you only hear about once you've turned forty where all old people go and buy these awful unflattering clothes that are the apparent uniform of the middle aged onwards! But not anymore to some extent fashion is ageless it's more about taste and what we like regardless of our age.

But me I have to practically padlock my wardrobe to keep my daughters away from my clothes, shoes and makeup! Seriously I've thought about dressing like my mother just to keep them away from my stuff!

Times they are a changing!

But why is that? ........ No seriously I'm asking why? Because I can't quite come up with a reason.

Is it because we're living longer?

Or because more people stay at home longer?

Is it because for most of us of my age group we haven't had the same struggles as our parents or their parents?

Whatever the reason I enjoy this closing of the age gap, it means we have more things in common and gives us a closer bond.

Hummm! I wonder if thats why more and more women have toy boys?


Thoughts please?

2012, no really it is!

I've been away a while, not physically but mentally very much so!

I have had so much going on that blogging came bottom of the list of things of importance, my son broke his leg really badly, my daughter has been ill, well actually it's ongoing and has required lots of blood tests and still no real idea why she is constantly ill all we know is her immune system isn't working the way it should and I have found myself so fixated on everything else that somehow I forgot that life actually does go on even with all theses obstacles! Oh but to top it off,the icing on the cake if you will! At the start of December I broke my wrist so severely that for a brief moment the doctors thought the bones might crumble and I could potentially lose my hand! I kid you not! Thankfully thanks to a very able doctor all bones were put back in place and I have a very attractive green cast set in a very peculiar angle and will find out on the 11th how well it has repaired.

These things are sent to try us they say but really I'd much rather not be tested anymore if it's all the same!

So anyway with all of that rambling came the realisation that I can do all the things I want to do and that fixating and worrying about all the things that actually I have no control over really isn't good for anyone , The prayer of serenity comes to mind!



God grant me 
the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the Courage to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference;
Living one day at a time; 
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it:

Trusting that you will make all things right
if I surrender to your will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with you forever in the next.
 
The fact that this prayer has also been adopted by alcoholics anonymous also seems quite apt! But seriously though the first few lines do help me.

So basically what I'm really saying is "I'm back!"