Saturday, 14 May 2011

Because I said I would!

So a little while ago I said I would write something everyday and I have realised that with a busy life thats not always as easy as it sounds, there are times like today when not only am I busy, I'm trying to get my lovely lot ready to go visit a dear dear friend, that makes us sound old so! scratch that , going to visit my BFF, too young? ok the fact of the matter is she is my best friend, my female soul mate, partner in crime and drinking partner! Better? I hope so!

So as I know it will be late when I return I am trying to get all the mundane tasks out of the way so I don't wake up to chaos in the morning, so I'm off now to eat good food, have a drink or 3 and a catch up.

Normal service will resume tomorrow if I can think of something interesting to write!



Friday, 13 May 2011

Very Superstitious , the writings on the wall! Well the Blog actually

Little bit tongue in cheek here( what does that even mean? Where does it come from?)but today is Friday 13th and as yet not a sign of Jason but hey the night is still young and I'm not a teenager Or at Camp Crystal so I should be safe!

The thing is I am ever so slightly superstitious I do walk round thinking "ooh it's Friday 13th better not break any mirrors while I walk under a ladder to avoid crossing a black cats path" but other than that I think I kind of take it with a pinch of salt which I then throw over my left shoulder of course!

Then there's the seeing one magpie? I admit I do say the little rhyme and salute him or is it turn around 3 times but I don't do it if I'm with someone who doesn't already know I'm insane.

I don't put up umbrellas indoors but then again why would I need to? I'd be quite concerned if I got a sudden downpour in my living room!


Now I could do loads of research as to where all theses superstitions come from but I'd rather hear from you, what superstitions do you know? And which ones do you believe in?


Touch wood I'll hear from you soon!

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

You've got to be in it to win it!

That's what they say isn't it? As a way of making you feel like you could be The one and god forbid if you don't buy a ticket! What am I talking about .......The National Lottery! And more specifically the new euromillions draw which tonight is ............wait for it .............. A staggering £85 million!


What would you do with that amount of money? I mean they say money doesn't buy you happiness and money doesn't buy you love but with that amount of money being miserable and lonely would sure be a hell of a lot more bearable!

But seriously what would you do?


I've planned out what I'd do with my millions so many times, a new house, car, holidays, money to family and friends to make all their lives easier, money to my favourite charities and then the part that I think would give me the most joy doing something for the causes that are important to me setting up an organisation that really understands what it's like to be a child growing up in inner city London and does something to support families, children and parents without being condescending or throwing money at the problem, the money would mean that the right resources, support and the right people could really do something to help communities.

I'd also start a charity to help with education and course fees from personal experience I know how hard it is to try and find funding to do courses and get back into the education system.


And after all that I would splurge on all the things that I'd always wanted, come on be honest wouldn't you? And to all those people who say "oh the money won't change me or my life" well it better bloody change me! Otherwise what's the point of winning it!


So you've got to be in it to win it! So will you be buying a ticket? And what will you do if you win?


Oh and please remember me if you do, I'll be your best friend honest!

Monday, 9 May 2011

up and down like a Yo-Yo!

Its end of week 7 on my 3 F's challenge and after last weeks tremendous result I had High hopes for this week , pah (thats a sound of disgust by the way just in case you didn't know) well this week in true monumental style as only I can do, I have put it all back on! I mean who does that, me thats who, I really am good at this aren't I , hope you note the sarcasm!

It's all really making me question myself and my motivation, I had it in my head that I wanted to be this fit,(in both sense of the word) and fabulous creature by time I reached my 40th birthday in August and by the look of it thats not going to happen well at least when it comes to the weight issue.


So I guess I have to ask myself is the weight loss about my health or is some kind of weird midlife crisis to do with turning 40, I must admit it does course a mild outbreak of panic and palpitations at the the prospect of turning 40 , oh god I'm going to be 40, how did that happen? where did the time go? where's the paper bag so I can breathe slowly into it!

I think that hence forth I should concentrate on dealing with my issues (how american of me) and being happy and healthy and maybe just maybe when I'm not quite so obsessed with my weight it might just naturally drop at least a bit!

Sunday, 8 May 2011

Fabulous, Fab ice lolly with a Fab new flavour



The lovely people at Fab Ice lolly's kindly sent me a goody bag and some vouchers to try out their brand new limited edition Blackcurrant and Apple Fabs as I true fan of the original fab ice lolly, it's been a favourite since childhood, I was a little dubious of this new flavour, How wrong could I be! They are delicious! Actually more refreshing than the original strawberry.


I know it's down to personal taste but I tried them on my children and the neighbours children who all said they prefered this flavour, so Fab you're on to a real winner for a hot summers day! And at only 82 calories per lolly a nice treat for the weight conscious of us out there and it's the gift that keeps on giving because my lovely people once you've eaten the lolly, on the stick there is a web address www.myfabland.com where you can find out more about fab, enter competitions,download an activity calendar and find some summer survival tips!
My Daughter enjoying her Fab Ice Lolly!

And courtesy of Fab, I have a £2 voucher and a cute penguin badge for you to win so you can try them out for yourself! Just leave me a comment telling me your favourite summer survival tip and my favourite will be chosen at noon on Tuesday! you can leave your tips on twitter too!

Can someone stop the room swaying please

So last night was wedding number 2! Just the reception this time.

And so started my adventure in to Essex! Typed the post code into the sat nav it told me 1 hour 17 mins ok so we're supposed to be there for 7.15 , what time do we get there 8 bloody 30! We left in plenty of time or so we thought but thanks to London traffic, The Woolwich Ferry ( why is there only ever 1 boat! More importantly why am I stupid enough to think that might be quicker than one of the tunnels!)and the sat nav telling us in it's lovely robotic voice "you have reached your destination" when we actually in the middle of a field! It took us 2 and half hours! Oh the joy!

So here I was in Essex now I've never seen The only was is Essex, it's never appealed to me so I only know what I've read and what my eldest daughter has told me about it but let me tell you there were tango'ed people a'plenty! Now I'm all for a subtle natural looking fake tan but why would you plaster it on until you look like a magahony sideboard! Each to their own though.

The venue was actually really nice and there was a free bar! I know dangerous right, I mean it would be rude not to drink when they provided so kindly for their guests and I didn't have to drive home so I had 5 or 6 G&T's, just to be polite of course!

I have a slight hangover this morning and can't find the mute button for the kids but all in all it's been a lovely weekend!

Saturday, 7 May 2011

Nice day for a bright wedding

Ok so one wedding down (yesterday) and one to go, tonight, I wrote on thursday about my dislike of theme weddings and weddings with dress codes but to my surprise yesterday's wedding was really nice not at all tacky! I did't strictly adhere to the dress code but I did dress quite brightly so as to 'fit in'! What I had forgotten was the brides parents are deaf as are a lot of their friends, so the service, the hymns, the speeches were all beautifully signed by friends of the family it was quite magical! The reception was at a castle and during the wedding photographs it had been arranged for a chinook helicopter to fly past and Then hover in the back for a few photographs, now that was original!

All in all it was a lovely day, great weather, great food and great music. My children tried to make me promise not to dance, silly children of course I would dance! At one point I was the only person on the dance floor! Ohh the embarrassment but they weren't there so I don't know what their problem is, although I did tell them that there was a video which had been posted on you tube and I'd linked it to their facebook pages! Hah you should have seen their faces they were mortified! I had to give in and tell them I was joking.


And tonight I have a wedding reception to go to , in Essex, apparently it's the only way but I won't be getting vajazzled and there won't be a drop of fake tan on my bod but I'm sure it will lovely!

I'll let you know how it goes!

Thursday, 5 May 2011

Regrets I've had a few

It's funny I always tell people that it's better to regret the things you've done than to regret never having done them, well guess what I don't take my own advice, big surprise huh? Don't get me wrong I've done plenty of things to regret oh and I mean some really big stuff too but there are so many things so many things that I haven't done for me that I regret I guess it's down to fear of rejection, fear of failing, complacency or just plain old laziness the thing is I haven't done them.
So how do I change that at this stage in my life? Is it too late or is it never too late? How does one get over those fears that hold them back? So many questions so so so many questions my head just might explode! Well not literally but you know what I mean.
What is it they say "just take the bull by the horns!" well I was never very good with animals and that sounds bloody dangerous to me so I think I need to make a list and just try and go for it, one of my never done regrets is writing I have always wanted to write a book and I've had so many ideas and started so many times but I've just lost the confidence along the way and thought who want to read this anyway but maybe I just need to do it even if no one ever reads it at least I can say it's a regret that I had the courage to do!

Theme Weddings, seriously why?

Ok before I begin I don't want to offend anyone but seriously a theme wedding or colour scheme that guests have to adhere to is well in my opinion a little bit naff, I'm so so sorry if I upset anyone and I'm sure your pirates and princesses wedding was lovely but themes for me are for childrens parties.

I have had many of these themed dress coded wedding over the years and only one was beautiful, a dear friend of mine who was getting married for the 2nd time had a small wedding where the dress code was purple and fairy costumes for the small children(my girls were small at the time and loved this) the hotel was decorated in many shades of purple and there were fairy lights and candles everywhere, it was beautiful, they said their own vows, friends that were singers sang songs that were special for the bride and groom and it was a lovely day about sharing their love with the people they love. Oh I've gone all mushy just thinking about it.

I have 2 weddings to go to this weekend one tomorrow and one Saturday and it turns out that the one tomorrow has a "Theme" I however didn't know about their "Theme" until this morning when I checked the wedding website (and what is that about!) for directions to the church. There wasn't a word about a dress code on the invite and now it's the day before and the neither of the dresses that I have fit the damn dress code oh and to top off the dress code they would like the ladies to wear a hat or a fascinator, really!?

I'm all for making the brides big day a happy and memorable one but seriously how is me dressing up like a flamingo(sorry flamenco)going to do that! Shouldn't the day be about making a statement to the world that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with or am I just being over romantic?

Well I'm off now to find a flamingo costume wish me luck!

running away from it all

Does anyone else out there ever imagine running away from all the stress that your life has to offer and starting a new life somewhere else?

I do, all the time, I picture where and what I'd do and everything I'd leave behind me and the the amazing new life I'd have.

Perhaps its just a little escapism method that I've devised for myself to keep myself sane but there are days where I really think about planning it out!

What do you do to make those bad days a little more bearable?

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

S*#T, F*~K, BO![*@KS!

Ok I know it's not big and it's not clever to swear and I have always told my children that people only swear when they can't think of anything intelligent to say but lets face it sometimes you're just so frustrated that swearing like a sailor (do they really swear that much?) is all you can do and today it's one of those days!

It has been shitty since I got up , don't want to go in to too much detail some of it is a bit personal but it has officially been a CRAP day!

And that's the other thing if you're having a really crappy day and all you want you do is sit in the corner holding your knees rocking back and forth crying, you can't if you have kids or can you? Seriously I don't know what's best , as a parent you want to protect your children from all things horrible, but should they know that mum is having the day from hell? or should you put that brave face on smile like an idiot and just get on with it?

My choice today, apart from a small outburst at my teenage daughter who decided that she wasn't going to college today was to smile like a maniac, chat for England and pretend that all was right with the world but would I be fairer to them to let them know we all have bad days, sometimes we all want the day to be over with and wish we'd never got up and hopefully very hopefully things do get better!


Thoughts please?

Tuesday, 3 May 2011

Really , Its Tuesday are you sure?

It's Tuesday, ok I know I'm stating the obvious but after the long weekend it feels like Monday and I have that Monday Feeling! you know the one at the start of the week when you just think "Really,Do I really have to get up?" you put the alarm on snooze a few more times than is really practical then you do it, you get up, begrudgingly!

Yes it's Tuesday and I have the Monday Morning Blues , Isn't this the point I don sunglasses and start playing a guitar or harmonica? first line usually "I woke up this morning *dah duh duh da duh * (that's me playing the guitar)

Seriously though after a Royal Wedding, a long weekend and BBQ yesterday , today is a bit of a come down but I have not 1 but 2 weddings to go to this week so thats something to look forward to though if I'm being honest, not really as they're out of politeness invites, you know the kind , they're not really friends but they had to invite you and they're not really friends but you really ought to go, who knows, they may both have a free bar that'll make it worth it!

But as for now it's the real start of the week so I better get on with it and see what it brings!

What's your week going to be like? I'd love to know x

Monday, 2 May 2011

Woo and dare I say Hoo!

Well its the end of week 6 of the challenge I set myself and up until now I had more than let myself down on the weight loss side of things, I can't  blame anyone but myself for this predicament, I love cooking and I love eating not a good combination when it comes to weight loss but if you read my update last week you will remember that I said I had been watching my very slim, eats what she likes daughter and I was going to try and eat like her.........Well the results are in , drum roll if you please.............I've lost 4 count them 4lbs!!!! and I have eaten whatever I like just slowly and smaller portions , I am happy, amazed and motivated oh and did I mention 4lb lighter!



Perhaps I should patent it but what would I call it? suggestions please?

Sunday, 1 May 2011

What a week!

What a week it's been here in the UK and more specifically my home!

It's been a week with not one but two bank holiday's, a Royal wedding, my eldest son moving back home after a year and a half and on Monday another bank holiday so it's been a lovely long weekend here in the UK!

The very short week has been lovely for my teens after 2 weeks off school they only returned for 3 days (they did try to convince me it wasn't worth them going in for those 3 days, yeah right! )and now another short week to come, then they have another week off at the end of May ( apparently there's no point in them going to school at all they're off so much, another nice try girls).

Then my eldest son has moved back home, a little adjustment in sleeping arrangements needed here, meaning that 2 of my girls are sharing a room again, oh the drama! Firstly it's not fair, then there's not enough room for all our stuff, " time for a sort out" I say, " no we need all our stuff" they say, I wonder exactly how many bags of discarded paper and general junk do 2 girls need, apparently a lot ! Then of course there was that lovely cry of "I'm going to kill her by the end of the week!"followed by "the feelings mutual" oh the love!

All that being said it is nice to have him home but I also want him to sort himself out and find his own feet, I should point out he hasn't actually lost them that would odd, its just an expression!

And then on to the Royal Wedding , what an atmosphere we had here in London, Street Party's, Lots of flag flying and red white and blue everywhere. I didn't get quite that enthusiastic and I wasn't that interested, Obviously I wanted to see 'The Dress' but I didn't think I was interested in all the pomp and circumstance, that was until I sat down to watch and there was an interaction between Harry and Wills as Kate was walking down the Aisle, Harry turned round to look then turned back with a very cheeky smile and said something to William and this private joke changed my opinion , I thought to myself they might be royal but they are two brothers sharing a milestone, I also thought, I wish I could lip read and I wondered if he said its not too late to make a run for it! I then started to enjoy it, all this pomp and circumstance and ceremony and I watched it with pride and delight and a little bit of a crush on Prince Harry!



 And now at the end of the week I have a barbecue to go to tomorrow and I'm looking forward to time with my loved ones, charred hunks of meat and hopefully copious amounts of alchohol to help make that all bearable!


What's your week been like?

One word

Well I did say so didn't I!

Saturday, 30 April 2011

Blog until I can't Blog anymore

Dear World,

Ok, small minority who read my blog I have decided that hence forth I shall do my very best to blog something every day, even if it is just one word it will be here!

This is my Pledge to you! xx

Tuesday, 26 April 2011

ELF make-up

Well my daughters swear by ELF - eyes,lips and face, I thought mainly because they're teenagers and it's cheap but given the present economic climate I thought why not give them a go!

The site offers their basic, eyes, lips, face line all priced at just £1.50! Studio range, which in mostly priced at £3.50 and their mineral range priced between £3.00-£5.00 all well below usual cosmetic prices.

I placed my order on a Friday evening and by Monday I'd received a text(great service) telling me that my order had been dispatched and by Tuesday it had arrived! Very impressive delivery time!

I ordered a tinted moisturiser with SPF20, a mascara, 2 nail varnishes, a facial whip and using an offer code the entire order with a free lip gloss and free delivery came to, wait for it, just £11.50 absolutely amazing, I usually pay that for the mascara alone but would the cheap prices yield results?

The packing was nice not at all cheap looking, though not entirely sure about the blister packaging on the £1.50 items but in fairness what could I hope to expect for £1.50.


The tinted moisturiser I ordered was from the studio line and I was pleasantly surprised it went on easily and gave a lovely light finish, offered SPF 20 protection which is a great bonus for those of us who forget sunblock on a daily basis and only remember when it's hot and it made my skin look fresh and healthy so very impressed with this, I would give this a 9/10.

On to the mascara, again from the studio range this was supposed to give you length and volume unfortunately this was no where near as impressive as the tinted moisturiser it didn't lengthen or add volume even after 2 coats all I ended up with was sticky clogged eyelashes, I'm actually wondering if the mascara was at it's best as it was rather thick and clumpy, overall I'm afraid to say I wasn't very impressed and would give this just a 2/10


And now the nail varnishes theses were absolutely lovely! I chose a nude and a smoky brown priced at just £1.50 each, they both look fabulous on the only down side they chip quite easily but for one days wear well worth it and these I would also give a 9/10 mainly for the colour and ease of application.


Then there was the facial whip, this is a creme designed to use on as eyeshadow, blush and lip colour and priced at just £1.50,I chose the shade citrus, this gives a shimmery almost frosty finish great as an eyeshadow, quite nice as a lip gloss, but as a blush I found it a little too shimmery for my liking but I imagine on younger skin it would be lovely at 39 I prefer something a little more subtle. I would give give this a 7/10.



And last but by no means least my free Gift! now everyone loves a free gift and this was no exception, now usually I'm not a fan of lip gloss, I don't like that sticky feeling that you sometimes get but this one wasn't too bad and the shade 'mauve luxe' wasn't one that I would have picked but I actually really like it! it smelt lovely and had a nice taste, no I didn't eat it, you all know what I mean and it wasn't too sticky all in all a pleasant surprise and I would give this a 8/10

My overall experience with ELF was a positive one, would I order again? for certain items, yes. I would like to try the Mineral range so if someone from ELF happens to read this and would like to send me some to try, I'd be more than happy to review it!

Monday, 25 April 2011

Week 5 result erm I'm looking for the word that sounds like I'm blowing a raspberry!

Ok it's official I suck! Well I suck at this whole challenge I've set myself, at least in terms of weight loss and so I have come to the decision that I either I have a medical condition that is hindering me losing weight or I eat too much and I need to change tactics!

Me thinks it may be the latter!

I have thought a lot about this whole weight issue and I've been observing the eating habits of those around me, not in a weird anthropologist kind of way with notebook and binoculars, don't worry I haven't quite made it to that level of insanity........yet! Just my nearest and dearest and in particular one of my daughters who can eat anything she likes and never gains a pound and it's not just down to youth, it really is all about portion size all week I've studied what she eats, how she eats and how much she eats, ok I am sounding like a bit of a weirdo but my discovery is worth it! You see she does eat whatever she likes just not that much of it, she rarely cleans the plate ( I'm from the "there are starving children that would be grateful of that meal, you better finish every last bit!" generation)and she eats very slowly, so this week I will be doing exactly that, eating like a teenage girl! If only I could look like one again!

So for this week my 3 F challenge is still on with some quite different tactics, I'll let you know how I get on, oh and in case you're wondering I gained 2lb so I'm now heavier than when I started! See what I mean I suck!

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

And now for something more serious

There was a conversation on the radio this morning about the effect of being raised by a single parent and they gave a statistic that something like 70% of children raised by a single parents are more likely to struggle in life, not achieve as well academically and every other negative connotation and stereotype that you can think of as a result of being raised by a single parent. Well I was the product of a single parent for a large part of my life my dad raised me and I have been both a parent in a relationship and a single parent and in my opinion it has more to do with the kind of parent you are and actually the area that you live and the people that your children mixes with that effects them not the fact that they had one or two parents, after all how good can it be for children to see their parents arguing every day? How can they possibly learn what a positive relationship is if all they see and hear is a negative. Far more damaging as far as I'm concerned.


The problem is when someone comes up with there statistics they're often not looking at the whole picture merely the thing that they wish to focus on so all too often it's not a true representation of what's going on and I can tell you from personal experience of living in nice area of the country and living in an estate it really is not just about the parents it is as much to do with environment, we learn as much from our peers as our parents and in an area where crime and drugs and antisocial behaviour are prominent it's all too easy for young people to be dragged in, come on be honest did you really listen to your parents all the time as a teen or did you sometimes aspire to be the rebel that you admired from afar (hopefully).

The other problem we face Is as a society we almost villainise our youth focusing on the negative you hear a lot about the minority of young people that are involved in crime but you hardly ever hear about the young people who are making productive use of their time, those
that belong to organisations such as cadet forces or take part in duke of Edinburg awards or those like my daughter who took part in something like a project called The Challenge, no we don't hear about them.

For me, I think that instead of focusing on who is raising our children, we should focus on how our children are being raised, putting the right things in place for parents to access, we all need a little help once in while and the stigma should be taken away from asking for it.
In schools the way our children are taught shouldn't just be about the academics we should from day one teach respect, empathy, understanding consequences not as a separate lesson just as a way of being and this in turn would affect behaviour in the classroom and children would be better equipped to learn.

Obviously the ideal scenario would be to be raised by 2 loving parents and I'm purposely not being gender specific here but sometimes life just doesn't work that way so instead of constantly telling single parents what they're doing wrong or what can go wrong let's focus on the most important thing how we help the children.


Rant over, let me know your thoughts.

Monday, 18 April 2011

End of week 4 update

I am not a happy me in fact I'm a really angry me, angry with myself! In a big big way!!! I have not got into the spirit of the challenge that I set myself at all, I have let life get in the way I have made excuse after excuse for myself and the end result is disappointment, disappointment that I haven't even made a dent in what I hoped to achieve and disappointment in myself for letting myself down. *pulls very sad face* actually a little near to tears as I write this, I am also hormonal which doesn't help but I need to figure out why I'm doing this, when I set out on my 3 F challenge I was filled with positivity I thought by this point I would have lost a stone and feel wonderful about myself well the reality is I let myself down and feel awful about myself!

So the results for this the end of week four are..........no drum roll this week, maybe the death march or something equally macabre would be more fitting .......

Weight loss.........................absolutely zero , I haven't gained any though so that is something but in four weeks I have upped and downed and stayed exactly the same! Did you read my self-sabotage post? I think I might be on to something.

I actually can't be bothered to put the rest down in it's usual style and order it just doesn't deserve that kind of attention!

What I have done this week is bought myself some new clothes, I actually bought myself a gorgeous maxi dress that doesn't make people ask if I'm pregnant again! Don't you hate that? My usual response is no I'm just fat! Usually shuts them up! In fact the dress is actually really flattering so yay me on that one and I bought myself a gorgeous vintage sheer jacket in duck egg blue which actually looks fab with my slightly flared jeans so these are good things, I wish they were in a size smaller but they're not so my choice now is to actually stop making excuses, figure out why I'm self sabotaging and try to take getting slimmer and healthier seriously or Should I just accept who I am and just try to exercise more?

Come on people you tell me

Sunday, 17 April 2011

I used to look younger than my age then I had teenagers , I mean stress

I was looking at some old photo's from around 10 years ago and I was shocked I looked so young I mean amazingly young a lot younger than my 30 years that I was then and rather sexy if I do say so myself! And then I saw some pics of me taken a few weeks ago and I look old! Time has not been kind on me, I scrub up quite well don't get me wrong I can disguise some of the hideous but I have deep furrows on my forehead, jowls and the chin has started to slip into my neck , I'm painting a really pretty picture aren't I? So I was trying to think what could have caused this drastic ageing, was it lack of skin care regime? I don't think it can be that, I don't sunbathe and almost always where sunscreen, I don't smoke, I do drink but my liver still works so I'm sure it's not that then it dawned on me teenagers! Over the last 10 years I have had to deal with 5 teenagers the eldest is 24 now and the youngest teenager is 14 and anyone who has teenagers knows what that brings , it brings hormones, tantrums, testing boundaries, exams, love, sex, drinking, smoking, hating school, loving school, choosing colleges, looking for jobs and of course thinking that your mum is a bank with a never ending supply of money! Honestly where do they think we get it from?

This is what has aged me dealing with and worrying about my children, those out there with little ones, you think it's hard now wait till you tell your teenager to be in by 10 and you're phoning them and pacing the floors at midnight worrying if they're alive or dead and saying in your head they'll wish they were if they turn out to be ok, then that overwhelming mixture of relieve and anger when they sheepishly open the door at midnight! Oh the joys!

Thankfully my youngest 2 teenagers have been brilliant,I think I might have this parenting lark down! But the damage has been done! And I still have the little to go, I can't wait!

So to all my children I love you but I think you owe mum some botox and perhaps a face lift so be good, work hard and look forward to when you have children, I know I do!

Saturday, 16 April 2011

Self sabotage and me

I do it all the time, I self sabotage, I start things and I don't see them through, I go on a diet and eat a great big slice of chocolate cake who am I kidding I eat the whole bloody cake, I break appointments, I back out at the last minute, do you see a pattern forming here? Yes that's right I am in fact the Queen of self-sabotage! When I say it like that it sounds like some comic book hero 'Queen of self-sabotage' watch as she fucks up her own life without the need of any super villain! ( wonder if it would sell? )

The question I ask myself all the time is why do I do it? I don't do it with everything so perhaps it fear of change, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown that prompts this behaviour.

Wow this is like free therapy I shall keep it up, explore how this all makes me feel, well let me tell you not very proud of myself I harp on about how it's better to have regrets about the things you have done than to have never tried and here I am with the realisation that I self sabotage, well not anymore I shall grasp the unknown with both hands, I shall act with spontaneity, laugh in the face of rejection and boldly face the unknown for I am just that kind of super hero! Or I could just try to move forward and stop bloody self-sabotaging!

To blog or not to blog that is the question

I think that is the question Shakespeare would be asking if he was around today don't you?

It would seem that everyone and his dog has a blog these days, some to share what's going on in their lives aimed primarily at their family and friends, some to share and promote their businesses,Then there are the blogs that review things and then there are people like me who just want to write,share their thoughts and hope that someone else will enjoy what they've written, do you?

I don't know what I was expecting when I started writing my blog part of me obviously hoped that I would be an overnight sensation and have hundreds of loyal followers hanging on my every word, I have one! bloatedcaterpillar I thank you! And one regular reader rhymeswithplague I thank you and you make me smile often but what I have realised is although obviously I would love lots and lots of followers ( needy huh? ) I love just writing down what I'm thinking getting all those thoughts out of my head to make room for some more! And in fairness I need to work more on my blog, organise it, add all the recipes that I had originally planned but the reality is I am a bit of a moron when it comes to all things computer , when I was at school IT was optional and only the affectionately termed nerds and boys who wanted to spell out BOOBS on those long bits up paper took IT what was that about back then? was it computer programming? I really don't know all I know, I have taught myself learned along the way, even when I returned to learning 5 years ago it was mostly trial and error that got me through(bit like life) so you see when it comes to the technical side of things I am somewhat challenged, if someone would just put it in plain English that even a 10 year old could understand, actually scratch that all 10 years olds know how to do everything on a computer, plain English that a 5 year old can understand and I will be fine, failing that send me a 10 year old to teach me!

Yet again I digress really what I'm trying to say is blogging for me is about expression but
if you want to follow I'd like that too!

Thursday, 14 April 2011

Food glorious Food!

No I'm not about to break out in song....although I could offer you a quick rendition! No I actually just want to talk to you about Food, I've been thinking a lot about it lately probably because I'm trying not to eat so much of it! Food is one of the things that ties every single life form together, we all have to eat something, we all have to fuel our bodies, now what we eat that's what separates us!

For me I love all food in fact the only food I can think of that I dislike with passion is pimento and I'm not that fond of fennel, really why would you spoil a perfectly good olive by stuffing it with pimento? and likewise why would you think that the addition of fennel would improve my salad, it won't!

I love food, for me it's not just fuel it's the enjoyment of creating a meal from all these different ingredients that singularly are nothing special but when combined together become an explosion of flavours, textures and something to be enjoyed and savoured.

I don't follow recipes as such but I enjoy to read them, to take inspiration from and make them my own but more often than not I make things up, I create, I think about tastes I like, combinations that work well and I just cook I don't weigh things I just guess, I probably have an eye for approximate weights from high school cookery or home economics as it was called when I was at school and that has stayed with me I guess. I don't even own a set of scales although I do mean to buy some so I can share my recipes in a more accurate way, the recipes that I have already posted have been guestimates and hopefully worked for you if you tried them.

And now having shared all of that with you I'm off to bake! Something low fat and healthy of course! .....As if!

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

Kids tv, what's going on

I'm not the biggest fan of letting small children sit glued to the television, but there are times like this morning that I just want that 5 minutes of quiet and I give in and enjoy the small amount of peace it affords me. Right now there are probably some parents recoiling in horror at thought of me using the television as a tool for a bit of quiet well what I have to say to you is lucky you! That you don't need 5 minutes of quiet! Me, I've been up with my daughter since silly o'clock and I need a quiet cup of coffee! Really you wouldn't want to see me without caffiene and neither would my family.

Now there are a few programmes that my daughter adores and I approve of, Peppa Pig is the most favourite and I approve, ignore the fact that it's talking animals for some reason since tv began it was decided that children would relate to talking animals, think muffin the mule etc but they at least speak English correctly, no made up words for Peppa and her family!

Then there are those childrens programmes that I cannot let her watch mainly down to my own pain and somewhat annoyance that they seem to want children to use some stupid made up language that I guess they think is cute, my annoyance is building, can you tell?

I'm thinking about such programmes as In the night garden, I mean seriously what is that about? No really I'm asking? Then there was Waybuloo, again made up language grrrrr surely these type of programmes do not encourage speech or at least not with the use of real words! It's not big, it's not clever and personally I don't think it's cute!

Then there are those programmes I just don't get, Jungle Junction! I'm talking about you! They're animals but they're vehicles and they have long twisting roads that go through the jungle , I just don't get the concept and frankly Miss Jolly's headlights disturb me!

I have a large age gap between my youngest and next child up and I was trying to remember what was on when she was little and her loves were bear in the big blue house, more talking animals but with some learning and morals and Barney again trying to teach children about caring and sharing etc and who can complain about that even if he was a giant purple dinosaur who sang annoying songs that stuck in your head!

Then when I think back to my childhood, I remember Bagpuss, The flumps, Jamie and his magic torch and The Wombles not sure what that say's but they're what I remember!

Children are not little idiots they are little humans who relate to things that translate to their lives just like we do, which is why they like watching babies and families and animals of any kind not just the talking variety and of course just like us they like fantasy but please no made up languages or vehicles that are animals seriously no more!

Monday, 11 April 2011

Is this a case of style over content?

Well it's the end of week 3 of my Fit, Fabulous and Forty challenge and I have made a number of steps toward being a more put together me but I can't help but wonder does it all really matter? Surely it's the person on the inside that counts? How I fill my mind not my body? But that's the thing that makes all of this difficult you can't see what's going on on the inside it's the outside that gives that first impression after all.

All that being said the psychological affects of feeling good about how you look can't be denied, I don't get to go out in the evening very often as an actual grown up, feel sorry for me and invite me out please! But last week I went out dressed up, in heels and wearing make-up and I felt good, I looked in the mirror and I didn't recoil in horror and my darling little girl said " you look so beautiful mummy " and that made my night if not my year! So perhaps feeling like the effort toward appearance is somehow superficial is wrong, if you feel better about yourself and it increases your confidence then it can only be viewed as positive.

So on with the challenge, at least until my birthday anyway!

Weight lost ......................zero, zilch, nada very upset and annoyed with myself must try harder and I don't suppose going to a chocolate festival really helps!and at least I haven't gained weight.
Times at gym...................... Um I'm ashamed to say another big fat zero! But I have walked ALOT this week
Hair brushed ..................... Every day! I'm getting good at this one so hence forth I shall leave it off my list.
Make-up worn ..................... 4 count them 4 times! I have even moisturised every day and on a few occasions even put night cream on and let me tell you my skin is thanking me.
And now last but by no means least the style part of my challenge ........................ Ok hands up here I have worn jeans every day but in a different way if that makes sense,I've worn different styles of jeans, with more than just a t- shirt and I have only worn the uggs once and like I said I have even worn heels! My feet did not thank me for this I've spent 2 years at home with my little one and have had very few occasions where the wearing of heels were required.

I don't think I'm really getting into the spirit of my own challenge am I? This is a situation I have to rectify with some urgency, even with all I said at the start of this post when I weighed myself I was really disappointed that I hadn't lost any weight and I can't ignore that psychologically I felt so much better when I made an effort with my appearance and I'm pretty confident that I would have been viewed differently by others after all no matter what we say we do judge a book by it's cover even if what you see isn't always what you get!

So my real challenge this week is my weight,I must make a real concerted effort to not give in to temptation and to eat healthily!

Let's hope next week gives some better results x

Saturday, 9 April 2011

A night at the movies, Red Riding Hood, well kind of!

Never in a million years did I think that I would post a film review on my blog but I was fortunate enough on Thursday to attend the premiere of Red Riding Hood and I thought what the hey let me share with you my opinion and review of the film.
Cue Barry Norman film of what ever year type music ........

The premiere was at the Empire Leicester square a lovely venue as far as cinemas go but rather like a cattle Market that night and we were herded to our seats with the cry of "water and popcorn can be found on your seat!" Never one to turn down free food this obviously made me rather happy!

The comperes were djs from Kiss fm and they introduced the stars and the director who came on stage and briefly gave some comments on the film and working together. I have to say that the director Catherine Hardwick of twilight fame spoke about the film with such passion and animation that you could tell that it was a project that she really believed in and this led be to believe that the film might be good but unfortunately I have to say that it was mediocre at best, Though at times it was visually stunning.

Briefly,Valerie (Amanda Seyfried) is the heroine with obligatory love interests in the form of Peter(Shiloh Fernandez) her childhood sweetheart and with whom she is very much in love with still as an adult and Henry(Max Irons) the rich blacksmith who she has been promised to by her mother.

The story vaguely resembles the original but in such a vague way that you have to think about how this could possibly be an interpretation of a 700 year old children's fairy tale but the immortal Grandma what big eyes you have etc  are uttered so that kept with the original tale but not in the expected way and the introduction of the rather mad priest Father Solomon with some rather unorthodox ways leaves you feeling that the story need not have been based on Red Riding hood and could quite easily be just another girl meets boy meets werewolf story. having said all that there were some twists and turns and you were kept guessing about the identity of the werewolf right up until the 'surprise' ending so I suppose in that sense it kept you watching and you did walk away from the cinema still talking about the film even if we weren't raving about it so in that respect it had an impact of sorts.

All in all not a film I'd watch again but it was a lovely night out and there was FREE popcorn! so if anyone else would like to send me tickets to a free movie I'll happily review it and throwing in free food never hurts either! Just saying.

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

Fashion, style and me

As you know from my previous post when it comes to the style stakes I have one and that's jeans, jeans with uggs, jeans with Birkenstocks, jeans with plimsolls so really I guess you could say I actually have no style and just dress for comfort * pulls sad desperate help me face *.
The reason I am mentioning this again now is not just because of my 3 F's challenge but also because I have 2 weddings coming up in a months time and I have desperately been looking for something to wear for both of them, one is an all day thing, the other just an evening invitation.
One in London, one in Essex and no I won't be getting vajazzled for the occasion!

Anyway my hunt for the appropriate attire led me to thinking about fashion and style are they one and the same or are they two quite different things? I've always thought of fashion as the current trends we always say what's In fashion after all and I think of style as something personal, the right look for you so to speak, something that fits well, the colour complementing you, the style suiting you something that makes you look at the whole package not just the clothing but am I right? Really I'm asking?

The thing is I don't really know what suits me anymore I haven't really thought about what I where for a while now, my main criteria for choosing what to wear has been, does it fit? Is it clean? Does it need ironing? and like I said before I want to change that but where to begin?

There are also different considerations now compared to my youth in my youngers days I loved fashion I wore what I liked, I also liked to wear something a little different conformity was not for me and I liked to stand out but at 20 that's great at 39 not so much, come on be honest we've all looked at someone and the thought mutton dressed as lamb, come on be honest
you know you have!

So I am here in mild panic about where to look, what to wear and what suits me somehow I don't think jeans are going to cut it do you?

So I'm putting it out there any would be stylists tell me what to wear, I'm 5ft,5 , I'm a thankfully in proportion curvy size 18 hourglass bordering pear shape, quite pale with reddish brown hair and green eyes if that helps, with a limited budget so your mission if you choose to accept it, is give me some ideas what to wear and help me look fabulous!

Or a close imitation of something like it!



Should also add that I'm aspiring to be a size 16 by then!

Monday, 4 April 2011

BooHoo end of week 2

Well it's the end of week 2 of my challenge and I have made a few steps forward and as many steps back, I think I thought by willing it to happen and saying it out loud it would happen but damn it it looks like I'm actually going to have to work if I want to achieve anything!

So drum roll please end of week 2 goes something like this......

Weight lost...................... A big fat zero! I have actually gained 2lb hence the boohoo!
Times at gym..................... Um zero
Hair brushed..................... Every damn day baby! Even straightened it!
Make-up worn..................... Twice, see progress!
Jeans and uggs combo............. Wait for it....only 4 times I did wear jeans 2 Other times but once with converse and once with Birkenstocks so I'm not sure whether that counts but ta dah, I wore linen trousers one day so I see this a step forward!

I have to say that the psychological affects of doing my hair and make-up and actually looking in the mirror before I left the house were positive I think I walked a little taller and definitely felt better in myself so this is the way forward I just need to make the time and effort.

So it looks like this week I'm going to actually have to do something, I mean really do something so I must back away from the cakes and the leftovers and get my lazy unmotivated ass to the gym, I joke a lot but the reality is I'm not happy when I look in the mirror and the only person that can do something about that is me and possibly a good plastic surgeon!

So wish me luck offer me support and help me stay away from the cakes! Please really please!

Monday, 28 March 2011

3 F's challenge end of week 1 !

Well my Fit, Forty and Fabulous challenge to myself, didn't get off to the best start, it actually didn't start at all until last Monday because I'm just that motivated!
So update so far....

Weight lost .............2lb just imagine what I could have achieved if I'd tried harder
Times at the gym.........0
Hair brush found and hair brushed ...... Drum roll please......every day! I know, right!
Make-up worn.............0 but I did moisturise 3 times
Jeans and Uggs combo..... Every day even on those couple of nice days! but I did sort my wardrobe out, threw away all my old stuff so all I need now is someone to come along look at what I've got left and be brutally honest with me about what I should keep and basically give me a complete makeover, Anyone up for the job?

So all in all not a very good start though I am happy about the weight loss. So this week I have to make a real concerted effort to get my act together.

I know life shouldn't just be about what's going on on the outside and it does sound a little bit superficial but how you look does have a positive affect on how you feel so my homework for this week is to try and make an effort with my appearance and see it affects me mentally! That sounds slightly wrong but you know what I mean! And if you know me then you definitely know what I mean!

Saturday, 26 March 2011

Earth Hour a small gesture in a Big world

Today at 8.30pm it's Earth Hour and all over the world people who want to show their support and raise awareness of our use of energy and the impact that our consumption of non renewable fossil fuel is having on the planet will turn off all their lights for one hour.

I turn off all electricity for one hour! In a house full of teenagers and one toddler this goes down a storm!

I personally don't necessarily believe that climate change is completely down to us, I think that the earth since time began here has gone through cycles without the need for human interference but I do think that depleting the earth of all it's resources can only be a bad thing and I introduced Earth hour to my family in order to make my children more socially aware and to realise that we take something as simple as electricity for granted.

The following information's taken from the WWF earth hour website


Why get involved?
Put simply, because our future depends on it!


Earth Hour has done a lot to raise awareness of sustainability issues. But there’s more to it than switching off lights for one hour once a year. It’s all about giving people a voice and working together to create a better future for our planet.



EARTH HOUR HISTORICAL TIMELINE taken from WWF earth hour website
2004

WWF Australia begins to look at new ways to take climate change mainstream after being confronted with serious scientific data
WWF Australia meets with advertising agency, Leo Burnett Sydney to discuss ideas for engaging Australians on the issue of climate change
2005

A campaign based on hope not fear, and the idea that everyone can take personal responsibility for the future of the planet we live on, is envisioned
WWF Australia and Leo Burnett Sydney start developing the concept of a large scale switch off. The project has the working title, "The Big Flick"
2006

Leo Burnett is tasked with the challenge of coming up with a campaign name that represents more than simply flicking off lights –Earth Hour is born. The Earth Hour name allows the campaign to broaden the focus from “lights out” to sustainability
WWF Australia and Leo Burnett Sydney take the concept of Earth Hour to Fairfax Media asking Fairfax to back the event – they agree
Sydney Lord Mayor Clover Moore MP agrees to support
Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth movie is released bringing worldwide attention to the issue of climate change
The Stern Report, which discusses the effects of climate change and global warming on the world economy, is released in October. Words of warning for what lays ahead from an economist – not from a scientist - sends a warning to governments globally about the cost of ignoring the threat of climate change
31 March 2007

The inaugural Earth Hour is held in Sydney Australia 7.30pm - 8.30pm, 2.2 million Sydneysiders and 2,100 businesses participate
The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) releases a report highlighting the risks of rising temperatures, further highlighting the need for urgent solutions
April 2007

Plans are developed to make Earth Hour a national event in Australia, but international interest is high and cities began signing up to the next Earth Hour campaign
29 March 2008

Earth Hour is held in 371 cities and towns in more than 35 countries globally at 8pm-9pm. A highly conservative estimate concludes that 50 million people participate. This number could have been as high as 100 million people
28 March 2009

Earth Hour held on Saturday March 28 at 8.30pm-9.30pm. Hundreds of millions of people in more than 4,000 cities and towns across 88 countries switched off their lights for one hour, creating a visual mandate for action on climate change effectively kick-starting the world’s first global vote.
July 2009

Earth Hour's Vote Earth campaign releases the Vote Earth symbol calling on citizens of the world to show their vote for Earth over Global Warming.
November 2009

Earth Hour’s Vote Earth launches The People’s Orb, a shimmering silver sphere encasing a 350 gigabyte hard drive with video, images and documents representing the hundreds of millions of people who voted Earth to call for action on climate change. A tangible representation of the voice of the world’s people, The People’s Orb relays from Sydney to Copenhagen in the care of a variety of custodians ranging from former heads of state to iconic rock stars.
December 2009

Global awareness of climate change soars to unprecedented levels during an historic meeting of 192 nations at the UN Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen, Denmark. Vote Earth campaign culminates on 16th December with Earth Hour Copenhagen. The People’s Orb, is entrusted to UN Chef de Cabinet, Vijay Nambiar to be presented to world leaders. The People’s Orb takes centre stage in the plenary on the final day of the conference alongside UN Secretary-General, Ban Ki-Moon, in front of President of the United States, Barack Obama, Danish Prime Minister Lars Løkke Rasmussen, COP President and Climate Minister Connie Hedegaard and over 100 heads of state.
27 March 2010

Earth Hour is held on Saturday March 27 at 8.30pm-9.30pm and succeeds in being a global call to action to stand up, to take responsibility, and lead the global journey to a sustainable future. A record 128 countries and territories take part and iconic buildings and landmarks from Asia Pacific to Europe and Africa to the Americas stand in darkness.
26 March 2011

Earth Hour will be held on Saturday March 26 at 8.30pm-9.30pm wherever you are in the world. This Earth Hour we want you to go beyond the hour, to think about what else you can do to make a difference when the lights turn back on. So save the date and keep coming back to earthhour.org to find out what’s in store.

Friday, 25 March 2011

So what is the perfect size?

Since I started on my 3 F mission, Fit ,Forty and fabulous! I've been thinking a lot about self image,confidence and size and I can't help but wonder if it's not actually size (providing you're not obese) that makes you fabulous and sexy but actually the confidence in yourself and the ability to look in the mirror and love yourself!
Over the years I have had a constant struggle with my weight and my confidence for that matter and I have been a size 8-10 at my slimmest and a size 18 at my biggest and here's the thing that may or may not surprise you at a point in my life where I was around a size 14-16 and happy I got far more male attention than at any other point in my life even when I was out with my slim friends who I considered far more attractive.
It would seem that confidence is what makes you sexy the ability to feel happy in your skin but that's the hard part isn't it, everything out there ia aimed at losing weight and granted often when you lose weight you feel better about yourself and your confidence is boosted but there we are we're back to it being not so much about the physical size but the positive effect it has on the mind.
Maybe we should all focus a little more on being healthy, being able to look in the mirror without feeling sick and learning to love and accept ourselves.

Just a little thought for the day let me know what you think

Thursday, 24 March 2011

Daisy Moon your designs make me swoon! I apologise for awful rhyme I just couldn't help myself

Ok when I started this blog the one thing I never intended to do was write a review of any kind but I was so blown away by this small business that I felt I had to share it with the world!
While I was scouring the internet looking for some personalised decorations for my daughter's bedroom I came across Daisy Moon Designs at http://www.daisymoondesigns.co.uk they offer a range of laser cut craft shapes and also offer a bespoke design service. Their laser cuts are perfect for embellishing cards, scrapbooks, pyrography, plaque making, hanging decorations.. the list is endless They also have a range of wooden boxes and craft supplies Daisy Moon Designs is a family run business from their home in the Welsh valleys.
Over the years, they have taken in many animals needing a home & are now enjoying the company of seven cats; three dogs; three shetland ponies; two goats; a turkey (one died) and 16 ex battery hens, as well as two rabbits & two guinea pigs.
They turned to their creative interests to try & raise money to help feed & care for them all.

I saw some beautiful Victorian style letters that I thought would look lovely adorning by daughter's bedroom wall but they were smaller than I would have liked so I emailed Daisy to enquire about a bigger size and she got straight back to me with a fantastic price! Daisy answered ever query I had with record speed and a such a friendly manner and when my parcel arrived it was packaged beautifully with tissue paper and a charming little wooden heart with Thank you written on it.

In short the designs on offer are beautiful and if I could figure out where to put them I think I would buy one of everything that she has on the site,so I urge you to have a look and I defy you not to order anything!

Sunday, 20 March 2011

Procrastination by another name is Life!

So I haven't done any of the things that I set out to do yesterday, well not strictly true I did head out to buy a hair dye to finally bid farewell to the orange that is my head but when I got out the weather was so lovely that all I could think about was doing the garden so I thought I'll do that then weigh myself, do my hair etc but of course the garden took longer than expected and then I thought I'd better feed the children, they had that may round on each other and eat the weakest look! so I had to do something fairly quick to appease the savage beasts and a hungry vegetarian so I rustled up this which was quick( if you have the ingredients indoors) and extremely tasty, I've called it a Italian tart but that reminded me of a friend from school so the kids called it pizza tart so take your pick!

Ingredients

1 pack puff pastry
1 jar sun dried tomato pesto
1 onion
1 medium sized courgette
1 ball mozzarella
And some grated cheddar to taste

Heat oven to 200c

You just roll out the puff pastry to an oblong the size that will suit your family or baking tray! Pop the pastry on a baking tray then leaving about a 2cm border all around the pastry base spread on the pesto,thinly slice the courgette and lay that on top, next the same with the onion then finally I roughly break up the mozzarella and sprinkle it on top along with the
grated cheddar. Pop it in the oven and bake until golden in my oven around 20 mins.

I served it with new potatoes and spinach it was lovely and for all the carnivores out there it would be lovely with pancetta on top too I know this because my one daughter cried where's
the meat? And I told her there was some pancetta in the fridge if she was that desperate, she was! She dry fried the pancetta and put it on top, it was really good! So next time I'm going to do with meat one without.

So you see sometimes it's not procrastination, it's life getting in the way but I will weigh myself today and I will dye my hair although the sun is shining and there is a bit more work to be done in the garden ......


I will add a pic later honest,using my iPad to write this and can't get anything to sync with it because technology is not my friend!

Saturday, 19 March 2011

The 3 F's

I am the 3 F's fat, forty(well almost) and frumpy but I aspire to another 3 F's Fit,Forty and Fabulous I think I need Gok for that last one! I have as they say 'Let myself go' I was once an in heels, full make-up, hair done kind of person but since my youngest was born 2 years I've been more of a uggs, is it clean?,did I even moisturise where's the hairbrush kind of person! I truly admire those women that manage to leave the house all made up, hair done clothes minus the porridge stains and looking all put together, I want to be one those women, I think.
The thing is I used to be one of those women.I used to have to look professional,attend meetings and spend some amount of time and effort on my appearance so as not to scare animals and small children but all that got lost and I want to find it again! I am a forty this year and that realisation has made me panic,I mean think about who I was who I am now etc etc etc call it a mid life crisis if you will, a desperate attempt to cling on to my youth but I used to turn heads, not physically that would be an odd job, what I mean to say is I would often receive compliments, now I hardly ever look in the mirror and quite scarily when I do I often see my mother looking back, when did that happen!
So I have made this pact with myself that I will,if not find me again at the very least find the hairbrush! Seriously though my intention is to lose weight, exercise, start wearing make-up when I leave the house and try and find some element of style again not just jeans T-shirt and uggs-winter, Jeans t-shirt and Birkenstocks-Summer, notice a pattern!
So where to start I have 5 months until my fortieth how much can I do in that time and with a limited budget? I just don't know but I have to give it a try, so first thing on my list is my hair, I have to try and fix the I know I'll try blonde fiasco! It's kind of Ginger at the moment and I love natural Ginger but mine is well orange! So in the morning I shall go out and choose what I hope will be a flattering colour, I think I'm naturally a brunette with red tones but it's been a long time so who know's!
Then there's the weight, that means I have to face 'The dreaded scales of doom!' but it has to be done! So no more chocolate brownies for me!
I think that will be enough of a start for now don't want to go crazy, it might scare the children who know's I may even wear make-up to leave the house!
So hopefully in 5 months times I will be the new 3 F's, Fit, Forty and Fabulous!

Monday, 14 March 2011

I blame the parents! Oh wait that's me!

Before I start I would like to make it very clear to my children if you are reading this that I love you very much just as you are but I can't help but wonder if you'd be different people if I had been a different parent! Oh and if you are reading this, get a job! And to my children still living at home, Put your clothes away!, clean your rooms and pick up your crap from all over the house!

I was determined when I started this blog that it would not be yet another blog that focuses on being a parent but the thing is when you are a parent it is innevitable that at some point it will come up so here it is!

I have 6 children they vary in age from almost 25 down to 2. I started young, VERY YOUNG! Down to a combination of poor sex education( I went to a catholic school, I'm sure that explains it all along with why I eschew organised religion), naivety, falling in love with the wrong boy who was older than me and of course rampant teenage hormones! The thing is what the hell were my parents thinking! They just kind of left me to raise myself I don't really remember much parenting but hey easy for me to say now that I'm a parent but as a kid I probably loved the freedom see parents fuck you up and I am a parent!

So anyway I was thinking about my kids and all the many mistakes I have made and the mistakes the grown up and almost grown up ones have made and I could cry, actually I do cry, a lot! I do what I'm sure most parents do, I blame myself! I have parental guilt no matter what they do it's my fault, I wasn't strict enough, I was too strict, I didn't encourage enough, I was too pushy and it goes on and goes on.
There's a line in that wonderful film Parenthood that goes something like "with your first you worry about everything every bump every sniffle but by the third you let them juggle knives" (probably got that very wrong but you get the picture and if anyone know the actual line please let me know)and that's the thing with my first I was so young and everyone was so against me keeping him that I thought I have to do this right, I read every book there was to read, I did everything thing that I could do, I was going to be The perfect parent! The joke is really on me because there is no such thing! what I have learnt is every child is different,
every circumstance is different and every child responds to a different style of parenting the only thing that I have learnt that is important and does work for all is be consistent, if you say something follow through and don't back down and above all love your children and be there for them to talk to, something that can't be forced!

You live and you learn and I feel that I messed up alot with my three oldest children but I have learnt so much that I have had and am hopefully going to have an easy time with the younger 3, two of which are teenagers so I must be doing something right to be able to say that but still I question everything and I feel that same guilt.
Here's some irony for you as I write this I've just had a phone call from my daughters 6th form telling me She wants to drop out can I talk to her, ggrrr, see just when you think you've got it figured they throw something new at you , also just got a text from my son asking to borrow money, something I definitely need to be strong about and just say no! Anyway I digress, I think that what I'm trying to say is that no matter what we do with our kids there's always going to be something that we mess up, something that we should have and could have done differently.

When our children are born we have such hopes and dreams for them we imagine them with fabulous lives fabulous careers then the little buggers go and get personalities of there own and no matter how much you want to argue about the nature over nuture debate, where you live, the schools you go to, the people you hang around with have a massive impact on the person you become It's not just about how you were raised unfortunately.

All that being said and all the challenges and obstacles we've overcome all the stress they have caused me and believe me there has been and still is alot I am still really proud of them, for what they have achieved, for how they have dealt with and handled situations so what if its not the stereotypical things that parents are proud of as long as they are doing their best and they're happy then I should be happy too, right?

Plus hey, theres always the little one to work on! just kidding! 

Sunday, 13 March 2011

If life gives you lemons make Lemon and poppy seed cake

Blog post earlier really made me fancy this so here we go with recipe, it is easy to make and sooo delicious!

Ingredients
cake

250g butter or butter like spread both work
200g sugar
3 eggs
250g self raising flour
Zest of one lemon and juice of around 3 or about 100ml of the bottled stuff
Around 50g poppy seeds

Syrup
100g castor sugar though I have used granulated and it does work
100ml lemon juice

Cake
Put the oven on to 190c
Cream the butter and sugar together, add the eggs with a little of the flour to help it come together easily , add the rest of the flour, mix, add the poppy seeds and lemon juice and zest and mix until creamy. Pour into a greased cake of loaf tin and pop in the oven and bake for around 30 minutes or until you put a knife in and it comes out clean.
While the cake is cooling make the syrup, put the sugar and lemon juice in a saucepan over a medium heat, keep stiring until all the sugar had melted and there's your syrup!

Now the part I like take a skewer and stab the cake all over as many times as you like, pretend it's someone who's really pissed you off, that the fun part!
Then spoon the syrup all over the cake, the syrup seeps in and makes the cake so moist and delicious.

I sometimes make icing to drizzle over which is just some icing sugar and lemon juice mixed together then just drizzle over the top and sprinkle some lemon zest over too and it looks lovely.

Hope you enjoy, please let me know x

Thursday, 10 March 2011

How my brain works or doesn't as the case may be!

So this is how my brain works, it can be a dark scary place be warned!

In my head if I think something is wrong then it will obviously be the worse case scenario for example headache equals brain tumour, pain in calf was quite obviously DVT, forgot something must be Alzheimer', weird bowel movements oh god I have bowel cancer and it goes on and on and god forbid my kids get ill my brain does horrific somersaults I'm sure you get the picture.

I think in my head I have decided that if I think the worse and the worse doesn't happen then it's a result. I am weird. Though you probably figured that out for yourself and the thing is I don't just do it for illness oh no I can apply it to anything, the school called worried about my daughters grades want me to come in for a chat , my brain goes I'm not encouraging her enough she'll never accomplish anything she will end up with no future no career hey she will become me aarrggh no make it stop make it stop! See I need help!

I try not to let my um shall we call them idiosyncrasies get out in public but notice the first part of that word is idio implying idiot but although I walk round with happy smiley face most of the time (alcohol,chocolate and cake help with that) I have been told that I am a glass is half empty person, well yes, yes it is I drank the other half!

Those positive all is right with the world, look on the bright side of life, if life gives you lemons make lemonade people quite frankly freak me out and I'm never quite sure if they're truly blessed or taking some really good drugs!

I would love to be a positive person but let's face it if live gives me lemons all I think is what am I going to do with all these bloody lemons! Or quite possibly on a good day when the sun is shining I might think lemon and poppy seed cake but I don't think that's quite the same thing is it?

Tuesday, 8 March 2011

Wonder woman ....That's me!

Ok I might not wear my knickers on the outside (though there was that one occaision!)and I don't spin around like an idiot carrying a lasso (that was another occasion and the occasional saturday night!)but to my family with all that I have to do I may as well be you see I live the life of that unacknowledged super hero I'm Stay at home mum girl! Not quite as catchy eh but just as extraordinary!

I wake up every day at 6, earlier if the little one decides it's time to get up and start playing then on a weekday it goes something like this, I wake the kids up, I iron, I chase to get ready, I help with hair, I get breakfast for the little one, I sort out lunch or lunch money while loading the dishwasher, tumble dryer and washing machine while hoping that I put the right things in the right machine! Teenagers leave for work and school, I spent 30 minutes or so playing with the little one then I unload all machines reload all machines put everything away sometimes in the right place, I make appointments,chase up calls, do paperwork,pay bills,play with Izzy, then lunch read a book to Izzy nap time for her me I sweep floors, tidy rooms, unload and reload machines, mop floors, kids start to come home I ask about days, homework, prepare and cook dinner, referee arguments, serve dinner, answer phone calls, questions, chase them about rooms, laundry and homework, unload and reload machines bath Izzy, read a story, put Izzy to bed, tidy away the stress of the day and then maybe just maybe if I haven't fallen asleep collapse on the sofa and watch tv this at usually around 11pm that's a 17 hour day! So why is it when I'm at party or function and I'm asked "so what do you do?" and I reply that I stay home with my children am I made to feel like a second class citizen or that I must be stupid or unable to get a job. They don't know how to respond and that's women too and I get the feeling that they think I have nothing to offer to the conversation but guess what I choose to raise my child until nursery age because I don't understand why I should pay someone else to raise the child that I chose to have and ok it might mean I have less money in my pocket and others might think I'm not a productive member of society( yes that opinion was voiced )but I haven't missed any milestones and I know what's going on in my kids lives, well for the most part, I do have 3 teenagers after all. I have opinions, lots of them! I read, I'm educated and I work just as hard as any paid profession, So the next time someone asks me what I do, I'm going to reply with a serious face that I am in fact a Super Hero!

Monday, 7 March 2011

Nutty chocolate tart

As promised on twitter my recipe for my nutty chocolate tart, it's really rich so you'll only need a small slice, though you might want more!

Ingredients

1 pack ready made shortcrust pastry( you can make your own if you like but mine never quite comes out short enough, anyway real recipes for real people with real lives remember!)
125g butter or one of the butter like spreads works just as well
200 g caster sugar
150g plain chocolate
2 eggs
1 tbsp vanilla extract
100 g chopped mixed nuts
4 tbsp plain flour


Heat the oven to 180c/gas 4. Roll out the pastry and use to line a tart tin, line with baking paper and baking beans and bake for 10 minutes.Melt the butter and plain chocolate together, I use the microwave but just do it an 20 second bursts and stir well each time until melted.Whisk in the sugar,2 eggs,vanilla extract and plain flour. Stir in the nuts pour in the tart case and bake for 25 minutes.
Serve warm with cream or chilled both ways it really is delicious even if I do say so myself!
I will post a picture later having some technical issues at the mo! Crappy camera and phone broke!

Sunday, 6 March 2011

Never enough time

Time is a funny thing isn't it, there's just never enough of it, not enough hours in the day, not enough days in the week, the day flies by, the week flies by, the year flies by but most upsettingly the years fly by and before you know it you're wishing that you'd done more,that you'd achieved more, that you'd made better use of your time!
And there's the thing, we take time for granted, 'there's always tomorrow' isn't that what we all say and we procrastinate and procrastinate and before you know it that thing that we were going to do tomorrow is forgotten left in the passages of what, time!
Time waits for no man, a time to live and a time to die, live each day as if it were your last, carpe diem, the sands of time we all know all those adages it's all about time so how and when do we slow down and enjoy our time? I envy those rare individuals you can just relax and enjoy what life has given them, for me I wake up and start thinking about what has to be done today, I make lists and think I just don't have enough time to do all that, I get upset if by the end of the day I haven't completed all those mundane tasks that just need to be done and I complain about having no time for me and I wonder if I have enough time left in my life to do any of the things I'd like to do.
I have no answers, I don't know if it's possible to change my ways and embrace each day and not thing about time, time spent, time wasted etc etc but I do know that I have used the word time 15 guess what times! I wonder how much time(16) that took me and I wonder how many times all of you think about time(17) and what you think about it all? Please let me know I am really interested in your thoughts x

Friday, 4 March 2011

One of those days

Yesterday was one of those days you know the kind where everything just doesn't go quite right, that was my day, started out ok then I had this brainwave to dye my hair blonde, what was I thinking really why didn't someone try to stop me! My hair which was a reddy brown with blonde chunky streaks which actually looked nice soon became a hideous orange mess with blonde roots, so in my divine wisdom , I thought I know I'll just get another dye and re-do the orange bits, at this point someone should have really pointed out my insanity but no my family let me carry on perhaps trying to punish me in some way! so dye number 2 goes on and I just end up with a brighter orange and straw like hair, seriously! I took a pic was going to post it, but it was so scarily hideous it would make your eyes melt! seriously small children ran away screaming, well it was only one small child and she is mine and was in shock that her mother had this bizarre colour hair but still.
I then thought after all this my hair might start to protest and decide to leave my head so best leave it alone at least until tomorrow but the thing was I kept catching my reflection and scaring myself so at 11.00pm last night I made my final mistake of the day I sent a man, a shaved head bald man at that! to the 24 hour supermarket to buy me a hair dye with the instructions of any shade except black or mahogony, I thought that anything would be better than what I had and it would be nice to have someone else choose a shade, maybe It would be a colour that I'd never thought of and it would be so fantastic that It would be a new me and that it would be my new hot colour for life! I of course gave hints toward shades that I might choose but alas and alack I should have known better, perhaps blinded by the bright orange hue of my hair he thought that this was a colour scheme I wished to continue and he brought home COPPER really did he not think I'd been punished for my mistakes enough ( I apologise to all those with naturally copper hair I actually love natural copper but thats the thing its natural and nice but hair dye copper is well ,another shade of orange its orange with a hint of red) at this point though I could no longer live with the yellow roots and orange hair look it was just not working for me 20 years ago Maybe but now ... No. So at 11.45pm last night I went for it! anything had to be better, right? and in fairness it does look better then the mess that was my head and I shall have to walk round pretending that this was the look I was going for, at least until my hair forgives me a little and anyway like I said before about regrets at least I took my own advice about this and boy did I learn from it!

I was going to tell you about my disaster of a steak pie but I'm so traumatised from reliving the hair fiasco that that is a story for another time! x