Dream a little dream

I had a dream last night, not a Martin Luther King inspirational type dream more your giant space monkeys eating your head kind! but that's another story!

Last night I had the weirdest dream I think I have ever had, no shocking content, so bizarre places, just a really weird dream, I dreamt that I was stood in front of my cooker making gravy and I was whisking away while it gently bubbled when all of a sudden the gravy exploded all over me with such force that I woke up! I kid you not I woke up with such a start! my heart was beating twice as fast it was just well 'weird!'

I have tried to find out what it might mean but can't, the closest I have come is dreaming of explosions can mean that disapproving actions of those connected with you will cause you transient displeasure and loss, and that business will also displease you or it foretells that unworthy friends will infringe on your rights and will abuse your confidence and young women should be careful of associates of the opposite sex and to dream of eating gravy, portends failing health and disappointing business.

So I didn't eat the gravy it just exploded so not quite sure if this is the same but it doesn't sound like its looking good for me!

A few years ago when I was studying we did touch on dream psychology but it was all very Freudian and we all know about those dreams don't we!

A lecturer had once said that we can only dream about things we know, that our subconscious cannot invent something that we have no prior knowledge of. Makes sense and I often make gravy but not once has it exploded!

So if anyone out there has any better ideas please please let me know and I'm curious has anyone else had any particularly weird dreams?

I did it playing football, honest!

My previous post reminded me of all the little accidents my son had while out playing mostly down to him not thinking things through, remember the chilli incident well it's the same son! says it all really.

I lost track of the times he came in limping claiming to have hurt his foot/ankle/leg while kicking a football and I'm sure on some occasions this was the case but thinking about them out playing reminded me of one particular incident where he claimed to have twisted his ankle playing football!

My father-in-law is a minister and one Sunday after church we had gone into the house to catch up,have something to eat etc and quite often the children would play for a while out in the church courtyard, the living room was on the first floor and the house had a ground floor extension to one side of the back door and a large shed to the other( trying to paint a picture here for you!) anyway we were all sat there in the living room, drinking tea, chatting and all of a sudden we all stop, "did you all just see that?" I ask in hope I was wrong, maybe my vision is failing, perhaps someone spiked my tea, well you never know! "yes we saw that" was the reply from all! What they had seen was my then 9 year old son leaping across from one building to another I kid you not we're othe first floor and I see my small child pass by the window! After the shock subsided I went to run down down to find him, scold him, hoping he's ok etc and before I could make it out the door in he walks 'limping!' "what have you done?" I ask waiting to see if he will tell me, "I twisted my ankle when I kicked the football" he says rather too sheepishly "really?" I say "So it has nothing to do with the fact that you just leapt across from the kitchen to the shed?" his face changes "how did you know?" "see that big rectangle thing up there, it's a window and you can see through them!" "oops" was all he had to say with a silly grin on his face!

We often caught him jumping off walls, one time a small building but unless he saw us he would still try and tell us "I did it playing football!"

Let the children play

There was a conversation on the radio today about children not being allowed out to play without their parents and the alarming fact that we have become so scared of what might happen that many children these days don't even learn how to ride to bike!

I understand that parents are afraid of what might happen, I am one after all! But in trying to protect our children from every little thing are we in fact hindering their growth as people? How will they learn to assess situations, decide what is dangerous, learn common sense if we as parents do it all for them.

Times have changed and mainly thanks to the media we are more aware of the worse case scenario but to what expense?

When I think back to my childhood I went out to play for hours on end without a mobile phone I might add(had they even been invented then?) and if my mother wanted me she would come out into the street and call me! I was told how far I could go and if I went to the park with friends not parents, I know how bizarre! I was told not to speak to strangers, cross the road carefully and be back by what ever meal time was next. I climbed trees, hid in bushes, made dens and did dares and from what I remember had fun!

Now when I think back to all my children growing up I can see that times and attitudes have changed, when my sons were little I let them play out (still without mobile phones) and told them the same as I was told, they would mostly ride their bikes and play football all thankfully without incident but then the world seemed to change a little, the fear of pedophiles, the increase of gang crime and I started to worry more, by time my daughters were old enough to play out I was a lot more cautious I let them play out, ride their bikes but they were told to stay close so if I came outside or looked out the window I could see them and park trips were accompanied by a parent.

I now have a 3 year old and I'll be honest I don't know how I will react when she reaches the age that she wants to play outside of our own garden, I hope my common sense will kick in but who knows, at least I have a while to think about it!

Well I did ask!

I put out a little plea for inspiration and I got it from a fellow blogger and someone who's mind is amazing Mr. Robert Brague Over at http://rhymeswithplague.blogspot.com/ I strongly suggest you head over there, you will not be disappointed but do so after you've read my blog of course!

He mentioned That when at a loss for inspiration he often thinks of The effects of gamma rays on man-in-the-moon marigolds, now I'm pretty sure he wasn't thinking what would happen if actual gamma rays were directed at said marigolds perhaps an incredible hulk scenario although what a marigold would do when it's angry is anyone's guess! No I think he was referring to the Paul Zindel Play although I could be wrong! The title of the play although seeming somewhat obscure is actually a science project that one of the daughters is doing at school but I think it's also meant to serve as a metaphor for the way life affects us differently although that being said Its been a long time and I think I perhaps need to reacquaint myself with the play! ( I think they made it in to a film too, off to google I go )Robert if you're reading this please remind me! Unless of course you were thinking about the incredible hulk scenario!

So now my inspiration has been fuelled I will start on my next post!

Just a little question and a plea for inspiration

Should one write for the sake of writing?

This is the question I find myself asking well, myself!

You see some times I have so many things going on in my head that I find it difficult to focus and give one thing my all

A disorganised mind, that's what I have, strangely I also have a disorganised house! Who'd have thought it! Yes that was sarcasm but I think there definitely is a link!

So I'm sat here now thinking what should I write about and finding myself totally unable to commit to one thing!

I need inspiration! And I need it now!

So I'm going to go away for now in hope that I return later with a blinding, brilliant flash of inspiration and write an awe inspiring blogpost!

If not I'll just be back to tell you about my day, you really want to hope that I get that flash because somehow I think my exciting day of cleaning, cooking and running round after a mad 3 year old won't actually be that exciting!

Maybe you could all suggest something I could write about? Go on, I dare you!

Happy Birthday My Angel

Today would have been the 21st birthday of my first born daughter, Naomi Elizabeth Tamar, my first daughter after 2 boys, my precious little bundle who died at just 3 weeks old from Sudden infant death syndrome, my whole world turned upside down but I don't want to talk about that today, today I just want to celebrate her birthday. People around me rarely mention her,(except one dear friend who I thank so much for remembering, if you read this it means the world to me) I suppose for fear of upsetting me but sometimes it upsets that they don't it's almost like she didn't exist but she did and there's not a day when she doesn't cross my mind, I've had 4 more daughters since losing Naomi and I have watched them grow and reach milestones and counted everyday day with them as a blessing ( even with the teenage tantrums!) and I've often wondered what she would have been like and I shed tears often but today on what would be a big milestone I just want to remember and celebrate her birth 21 years ago today though the tears happen less often she will always be in my thoughts and in my heart.

And anyone who does know someone who has lost a child do talk to them about their child the chances are they might cry but the chances also are that they will be happy that you remember them.

And it's off!

I have my hand back at last! Not that I left it anywhere or anything like that (well you never know what you might be thinking) No, after 6 long weeks I finally have my cast off!

Now I'm not naive enough to think that it would be 100% back to normal but what I wasn't expecting was pain, lack of movement and shed loads of dry flaky skin! I knew there would be some but my hand and arm is ridiculous!

Before I left for the hospital I was excited at the prospect of being able to do things again even cleaning! I know who gets excited about cleaning? Believe me 6 weeks of having only teenagers to help out around the house and you'd be exciting about cleaning! I tried to let it go, appreciate the help I was getting etc etc especially with a 3 year old with the energy of 10 and them having to burden the brunt of her play requests! Often strenuous, always energetic but after 6 weeks of them being in charge the house looks worse than student digs!

So my visions of being able to clean and tidy, to knit and sew are all on the back burner until I've healed some more and had some rounds of physio and I have to wear a really attractive splint for 6 weeks as well but at least I'm getting there and I can have a bath without having to put my arm in a what is essentially a plastic bag!

So that's why they call them ghost chillis!

So last night I had cooked a slow cooker chilli for dinner, absolutely delicious with great big chunks of steak and my lovely home made ghost chilli oil and my son comes in opens the pot as he always does when anything is cooking and tries some
"that's not that hot, I thought you said you were using ghost chilli oil"
me, "thought it best to only use a little so as to not destroy the children's taste buds"
son, "oh that's nothing though, I bet a could eat one of those chillies"
Me, trying to blind him with science and convince that I actually do know best "they're like a million scoville units! That's about 10 times hotter than a scotch bonnet, are you insane!" to which the answer is obviously YES! Because he keeps on and on so eventually I get my little bag of dried ghost chilli that I hide at the back of my herbs and spices so no one uses it by mistake and I say "Right son of mine chop a very small bit off the tip of one of thoses and try it then" but what does that idiot boy do (at this point I feel it worth mentioning he's 24!) he bites in to it like its a sweet!
"don't know what you're on about mum, it's not that ......" then it kicks in his eyes start watering first, then streaming then his whole head turns red "quick grab your brother some milk" I say to his 17 year old sister who is practically wetting herself laughing at his misfortune or utter stupidity! He downs a pint in one then another then another, I in complete motherly concern am taking pictures of him , laughing and reminding him that no matter what age you are generally your mother DOES know best! I then realise that he is still rather red and salivating rather a lot ( he's a drooling red eyed wreck to be more precise!)
"now I know why they call them ghost chillis" he says "it's because you want to die after you've eaten one", in between laughing and telling him that I did warn him, real motherly concern does kick in and I google how to lessen the affect , the consensus seems to be ice cream, ice cream and more ice cream! Two bowls later and his head isn't quite so red and he says he thinks the feeling is starting to come back in his tongue so hopefully a lesson has been learnt and he won't do that again....Wrong! an hour later I ring him to see if he's fully recovered and what does he say "yeh feeling much better now seeing as the pain only lasted an hour, I think I might me able to do one of those chilli challenges!" Unbelievable 2 hours ago he was dying now he can take on a chilli challenge!

Oh, we'll I guess it's true what they say "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger!" or "men are idiots!" I know which one I think!

It's common sense, surely?

It's that time of year when we start thinking about certain things... Money.. Well we think about that all year but right now most of us are still in shock at how much we spend on celebrating one day of the year and how pissed we are that almost all the gifts we bought are now half price just one day later(I'm celebrating Christmas on the 27th this year or at least exchanging presents on the 27th!)and our health, you know the one "oh God why did I drink so much!" closely followed by "oh God why did I eat so much" it's like our brains think "right it's Christmas we can eat drink and be merry and damn the consequences!" then the cold light of new year kicks in and we're 10lb heavier, our livers are screaming out for mercy and our pockets are a lot more pounds lighter!

It's the time when gym memberships( that we use twice!) and weight loss groups have record numbers of new members.

But the reality is that most of us won't stick to our resolutions and will be even more out of pocket as a result!


And so with all of this in mind I have come up with a plan that all of us can follow its guaranteed to work and solves all our problems in the same plan! What's this amazing plan I hear you cry! Where can I sign up for it? Here take my bank details!

Ok, wait for it, it's called .....................COMMON SENSE! Seriously! Eat less, drink less, save money! Ta dah! I know I'm amazing!

Seriously though it just takes a few changes to have an impact and you can even save more money on your groceries by making a few simple changes and by planning your meals in advance.

This week I halved my shopping bill by planning what we will eat for the week, changing a few things for the supermarkets basic range, which by the way when I checked the nutritional value were quite often lower in calories, saturated fat and salt, bulking out meals with vegetables that were on special offer(all the major supermarkets run special offers on fruit and veg)and only buying what we need instead of picking up all those little things that I suddenly decide we need that are on offer, you know the ones they're usually sweet or fatty and they're buy 1 get 1 free and you'd never normally buy them! Or is that just me?

So there we are, that's my plan for the new year and so far this week I've lost 2lb in weight and saved a hell of a lot more in money!

So come one, come all and join me, use that Common Sense and you know what, why not walk to the supermarket if possible and exercise a little more therefore burning a few more calories and get a little more healthier!

I'll keep you informed and I may even post some of my money saving meal plans and hopefully we'll all be healthier and have a bit more money in our pockets!

2012, no really it is!

I've been away a while, not physically but mentally very much so!

I have had so much going on that blogging came bottom of the list of things of importance, my son broke his leg really badly, my daughter has been ill, well actually it's ongoing and has required lots of blood tests and still no real idea why she is constantly ill all we know is her immune system isn't working the way it should and I have found myself so fixated on everything else that somehow I forgot that life actually does go on even with all theses obstacles! Oh but to top it off,the icing on the cake if you will! At the start of December I broke my wrist so severely that for a brief moment the doctors thought the bones might crumble and I could potentially lose my hand! I kid you not! Thankfully thanks to a very able doctor all bones were put back in place and I have a very attractive green cast set in a very peculiar angle and will find out on the 11th how well it has repaired.

These things are sent to try us they say but really I'd much rather not be tested anymore if it's all the same!

So anyway with all of that rambling came the realisation that I can do all the things I want to do and that fixating and worrying about all the things that actually I have no control over really isn't good for anyone , The prayer of serenity comes to mind!



God grant me 
the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the Courage to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference;
Living one day at a time; 
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it:

Trusting that you will make all things right
if I surrender to your will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with you forever in the next.
 
The fact that this prayer has also been adopted by alcoholics anonymous also seems quite apt! But seriously though the first few lines do help me.

So basically what I'm really saying is "I'm back!"

I've seen it all

Well it's that time of year again or that time of day if you're watching a children's tv channel! That all the toy advertisements are on tv for what seems like every minute and today while watching with my little one I saw an advert for a game, if that's what you can call it, a game called doggie doo! I kid you not this is supposed game is aimed at children 3 and upwards and the aim of the game is to collect dog poo and the person who collects 3 dog poos first wins! Seriously, is it me or is this disgusting?

What's wrong with snakes and ladders or ludo or connect four? Ok maybe I'm showing my age here but those were games!

Picking up pretend dog poo, Erm, No! and as for teaching kids that if you have a pet you have to clean up after it well let me tell you dogs usually don't poop out plasticine, well saying that there was this one time that our dog pooped out an array of technicolour items play dough included but trust me it was no fun to clean up!

Please game makers make nice,fun, hopefully somewhat educational games for our children!

What's next, Guess what's in the vomit? The fun game for all ages!

Erm just in case some sad git does think that's a good idea for a game please remember you saw it here first and though technically disgusting it was my idea!

Er, Erm *rather embarrassed cough* !

Ok I harped on and on about blogging and me time, blah, blah, blah, etc, etc, etc and never did anything about it so I'm apologising saying I'm back hopefully with avengence and without further ado are you sitting comfortably? Yes? Then I'll begin ..........

Hi, Hello, it's me

I did it again didn't I?

I made a fuss about doing things for myself, making me time, blogging because guess what I actually enjoy it! And what have I done nothing! Nada! Zilch! Well up until now that is and now really is the first step of some well deserved me time!

I shall blog again, I shall find my voice and I shall make some me time!

But that for today at least is all!

Short and sweet!

Some would say just like me!

Well I would say just like me but still that's not the point!

40, The gift that keeps on giving!

I've done it again haven't I, I've moaned about not getting time to blog and then after saying that I will make time, I haven't! It been what about 2 weeks since my last post? So much for posting every day! I must try harder!

I am officially crap!

So anyway you know that whole taking care of 'me' thing that I was going to try well I made real quality time for myself and I went to the doctors about my poor aching heel to be told that I have plantar fisciitis a condition most common in women aged 40-60 and athletes so being the fine tuned athlete that I am this can of course be the only reason I'm in pain!

I wish!

He also told me that being over weight can aggravate it so basically what the doctor told me is that my heels hurt because I'm old and fat! Oh the joy!

So I have these lovely exercises to try and if they don't work it's either steroid injections, I have visions of looking like a Russian athlete! A splint because the limp just isn't attractive enough! Or worse case scenario an operation but there are some experimental treatments one involving Botox, I wonder if I could ask them to just pop a few injections around my face while they're at it!

So my limping self is going to sign off for now and try my best to be back soon!

Sometimes life gets in the way!

I once again haven't posted anything in a while and this is getting to be a bit of a bad habit, a pattern if you will but what it basically is, is life getting in the way! I try really I do but between the children, there are 6 of them although some of them are supposed to be adults! The family,the house and everything connected with that time seems to just fly by before I even realise it's gone and all my good intentions, all the things that I enjoy doing seem to just fall by the wayside.

A very good friend of mine (if we were 10 she would be my BFF actually I'm 40 and she is my BFF!) recently told me that I give too much of myself and don't look after 'me' enough and as is usual she was right! She is very wise! The more I thought about it the more I realised that the time that I make purely for me is actually non-existent! I don't even get to have a bath without the little one begging to get in, me time, what is this elusive me time that you speak of and how do you get it? No, seriously I'm asking because I haven't figured it out!

So my mission this week is to try and put myself first sometimes! No, I won't try, I will! And on actually a quite pathetic part to putting myself first I'm off to make a doctors appointment to have my painful heel looked at , an appointment that I've been putting off making for 2 months because I just couldn't get round to it! So no relaxing massage or manicure for my 'me time' no my first step is a doctors appointment! I think I may need a little help with this concept don't you?


Tell me how do you make time for yourself? And do you think it's important?

So life begins!

It's been a week since I last posted anything, I am once again a bad bad blogger and I do hang my head in shame, no really I do! But in my defence it's been a busy busy week!

And let's not forget I celebrated/commiserated my birthday the big one, the one life is said to begin at, the big giant 4 0! Yes thats right I am now officially 40! I know don't look a day over 39, right?

And I celebrated this momentous occasion with the dignity, grace and style befitting a lady of my years......that's right, I got blind stinking drunk!

It was supposed to be just a nice BBQ for family and friends but my family and friends all know me very well and brought copious amounts of alchol it would have been rude not to drink it now wouldn't it!

What I remember of it was fantastic I had 4 cakes! Yes 4, see my family and friends do really know me, cake and wine and a happy me!

Lots of laughs were had, Lots of food was eaten, LOTS of drink was drank and now all we have to see is if life really does begin at 40!

So tell me did yours?

The joy that is the School holidays!

I have just noticed what a poor month I've had blogging wise, just 9 posts well 10 now and the only difference this month is school holidays! I never quite realised how much time is taken up by the children I know that sounds a bit weird parenting is a full time job after all but what I mean is when they're at school you manage your time better or at least I manage my time better, how presumptious of me to assume it's the same for you, please tell me it is the same for you? Please? I would hate to think that I'm the only one who struggles with time and routine during the holidays!

The thing is apart from the little one the others are teenagers they should be entertaining themselves surely?

It just seems all routine goes out the window and twice as much work for me happens, something not right there, I may go on strike, mums have rights too! I may make a placard and a picket line across the kitchen door chanting, "what do we want? A clean house! When do we want it? Now!" that would get their attention or perhaps just sit and watch the washing up pile up no one seems to have figured out how to load and unload the dishwasher I think they still believe in the cleaning fairy!

But it's not just the added cleaning and shopping because you're constantly running out of bread, milk and cereal (or is that just my house?) its that they all hog the computer, laptop, iPads etc etc when they're indoors and as we haven't had the best summer we've been indoors a lot! So finding a time slot for me to do anything has been difficult to say the least!

Still back to school soon then I'll be moaning about the early mornings and getting them out of the house on time, oh the joys!

Well, I'm off now to make a placard and perhaps a banner if I can just find the time and a marker!

Well it is 3 F's I suppose!

So a while ago I set myself this challenge to be Fit and Fabulous by Forty and that time is almost here 4 days away in fact and I have achieved 3 F's! That's right I'm Fat, Fabulous and Forty! (well almost!) I know not quite the 3 F's I was going for but in the immortal words of Meatloaf (The singer that is, not the food, that would just be weird!) "2 out of 3 ain't bad!" and I have dropped a dress size.

But through all this my aim really was to get out of that rut that most mothers seem to end up in especially when you have a toddler of jeans and t shirts day in day out and saying that I am sat writing this in jeans and a t shirt! But they are a little more stylish and a size smaller so don't judge me!

All that being said I have learnt that a little time spend on myself does make me feel better, I now remember to brush my hair every day (if you know me you know what an achievement this is!), I wear make up more than once a month and I have a fabulous new hair cut and colour, I even shave my legs when I'm not getting them out in public!

And the end result is I feel more like 'ME' not just someone's mum, ok the diet never quite worked out, what can I say, I love to cook and I love to eat!

I have exercised more, feel a little healthier and intend to carry this on and if I lose a little more weight along the way that'll be great too.

So on Sunday I shall be just fabulous and forty and I'm ok with that! So now let's see if life really does begin at forty!

Silent Sunday

Some things I've learnt!

I thought I would share with you a few life lessons I've learnt over the years otherwise known as 'sods law' in no particular order

1. If you have actually manage to clean your entire house you will get No visitors

2. On the day your house is a complete pigsty, clothes and toys everywhere and you're still wearing your pyjamas, hair unbrushed and spilt coffee down your front everyone will turn up for a visit!

3. If you want your children to be quiet well behaved little things, say at a wedding during the speeches they will announce in their loudest voice "I need a poo now" (happened last week)

4. Likewise when you're bragging about your child and how clever they are they will choose that moment to forget every damn thing that you've just told the person they can do!

5. If you are in a rush to leave the house you will lose your keys, purse, hairbrush or shoes or as quite often in my case all of the above!

6. That one pair of shoes that you've had your eye on for ages but couldn't justify spending that much money will go on sale but they won't have your size!

7.The doorbell/phone will ring just after you relax into the bath

8. Your toast will land butter side down

9. You will miss your mouth spilling hot tea down your best outfit just before you leave for that important meeting

10. If you have to get somewhere quickly there will be a traffic jam

11. Your child will be fine at home and then the minute you get in a packed supermarket throw up everywhere! (happened yesterday)

These are just a few to be getting on with, I will add more as I think of them or more likely as they happen to me!

So please tell me yours